i'm still in love with nate
from honor choir camp
the skinny kid with the fringe who
played his guitar
at the other end of the field
i never spoke to him
i'm still in love with phoebe
who kissed my hand
in the underground tunnels
below the stage
before the performance
i'm still in love with max
who used to run the flies
i used to dream of him, and
he never knew my name
until years later when
we were somehow making out
in his car
i won't text him back but i'm
still in love with the boy in the flies
i'm still in love with eleanor
who would chase me on the playground
the first coolest person i ever knew
i'm still in love with you
i'm still in love with jess
my first (online) girlfriend
who had short blonde hair
and sewed her own pretty blue
dresses
one day you disappeared
i dont know if youre alive
i'm still in love with jordan
who would talk to me about his books
called his desk an island where he and i
(the cool kids)
would sit and blush
you hugged me goodbye and
well i thought you were gone for two weeks
turns out you'd moved out of town
i'm still in love with lyric
i stabbed him with a pencil
because i thought his name was cool
he switched schools after that
guess it wasnt the right move
i'm still in love with bailey
you were good for me
i don't think i was good for you
we're too different, i think
but it was wonderful
when it lasted
and i'm sorry
i am still in love with you
i'm still in love with
some horrible guy
i knew you as matthew
you didnt ruin me
but there's no making up for the hurt you caused
you were the hardest to recover from
i did it
but still some nights i long for your apology
in the form of sweet kisses
looking back,
you never meant for them to be sweet
and yet,
part of me is still in love with you
i'm still in love with afton
you are the sun to my moon
talking to you brought me endless
comfort and joy
i had never been so open, or seen
everything about you made sense
everything about you made me want to be a better person
i loved watching your games and your art
i would draw you with charcoal in my diary
which i still read
just to see how you were the solace and relief
of a time so terrifying and lost
no matter what was happening
in the world
at least there was you
in your own little bubble

but i couldn't do the same for you
we are only friends, from now on

i'm still in love with you