i am afraid, no matter how much
i dream and try
i am destined to walk the far,
beaten path alone.

they say
'everyone finds love'

but i know
that everyone around me will go on
to create lives of their own,
torn straight from a a
magazine

and i will sit, watching from the window,
unable to grow past the age of 15,
when i thought i may have loved
everyone i liked
(but really just thought they were pretty)

they, the ones i love
are destined for people
who make them happy

written into their lives, is
the one who loves them

i am happy, content
to some extent,

but
as i watch
and hear them talk
about how in love they are

the thorns of envy grow in my stomach
poking, jabbing, digging at my heart
at my mind.

i think,
i want that for myself
yet,
(i am resigned to whatever this may be)

they are happy, and i am-
content,
and so be it. 

i do not know much
about the uncertain future 

but.
i know this:

i?
i am destined to a house,
far too large for the number of people
in it
(2)

where i will live,
(or rather go through the motions of life)

with a man who, for the life of him,
can not pronounce my name.