Make sure the doors are open!
So I can stumble in and out with no problem
So you can hear the trample and the bust
Of the bathroom floors as I spill my guts
To love and to decay,
Too pretty to abandon what a frivolous display.
Somehow I know what will make me ache even in the smallest of doses.
My body hates me but my mind hypnotises,
The 7 seconds of drunkeness spilled in euphoric dancing I will pay forever
A 3 day lasting hangover for a fever.
For a few moments when all I feel is beautiful.
Worth the world ringing in my ears, the shame rumbling in my stomach, the haze of it all.
I now no longer feel you, just the world breaking underneath me
For Nina's Baltimore to play and my chest to burn I'm free.
This pain must be reality.
Bent over I'm walking so much farther than I expected,
So fragile, so puny, so ashamed in this shamelessness.
May the day rule and the night linger less,
My mistakes ready to undress for some peace,
Of mind because body will be restless.
Where have you gotten yourself this time spider lilly,
This pit of petals none of them perfuming,
Your dying breath this lifeless body.
Know that you will be the one dying.