what the **** is wrong with me? why am i getting all these butterflies i my stomach... why? love...i send her a link to the dune soundtrack, she sends me links to meditation videos... shse keeps on nagging me about her son, she's  single mother... well **** mw, i too thought i failed: seems that i haven't... but society won't prop me up, will it! will it?! the best of the burden is that... i don't and i won't think about the future... the death of western Europe... a death i'd best summarise as: shooting oneself in the foot... i, don't... care! you made it your own! i have absolutely no engaged in this ****-show! it is, a ******* ****-show however i think of it... it's fine my me... i was deported... i know what the pain is like.... i also know what the pain is like living without a mother aged 6 to 8... without a father aged 4 - 8... with a dobberman for a brother... but... hey presto! you do you ****... your... high moral groundwork... i'll even work security for your people at football events... keeping in mind Hillsborough... i'll keep that in mind... karma is always dictated from "elsewhere"... from a posit of... ANDERSWO... "elsewhere"... we didn't come here for your women! the Pakistani **** gangs beat us to it... we came here: hier... for the zunge! do i really need to gravtitate toward an acute e?! **** me, keep your woo-man... i don't care, seems like you don't care, either... that's how revenge works... you... wait... and you... wait... until... ah... splendour... someone does the **** you feel like doing: for you... well then! i like to drink: i must drink... because... i need to dumb myself down... to achieve the sentiments of the rubric... i don't want to be in an ivory tower... i want to be among the massess..  hell... it could havve been Brazil... but the Dune soundtrack gripped me... it also gripped her... she started to calculate a theme for a meditative soundtrack... women... you term them with Zodiacs... her son's name is Fred-, for short, Frederick: elongated... in English... ugh... do not, don't... ugly looking "thing"... you can shorten Matthew to Matt... since... Mattaio... but Conrad? you can't shorten that... it's a ******* prefix... CON-... who have i conned?! you ******* sinner?! iu've already explained it... i don't care about the mother... the mother can **** herself... i'm thinking about the boy... i'm thinking about an ancient Roman practice of allowing oneself to become surrogate.... after coming across prostitution... it's natural that i start thinking about a counter... to it... id est: via surrogacy... a body is limited: but the mind is limitless.... what little Frankenstein could i create... the mere thought amazes me, hell! it dazzles me! what seeds, what genesis... what exodus of thought could i possibly give... then, subsequently, watch: as chaos came to unfold... in that i would not be able to control the mere concept of individualism! oh the joy! i've been looking for you... i've been loking for this sort of a canvas!

Good to know... you ever refer to Fred by his full name, id est: Frederick / Friedrich? Or does he mind the suffix -**** in the equation? I'm trying to be perfectly honest, but it's an English thing, eating up names... Samuel becomes Sam, which is undifferentiated from Samantha, or Alex via: Alexander, Alexadria... yes, a very English theme, concerning language, best summarised by the apostrophe: do not via don't... savvy... so how is old Fredrick faring with his ping-pong antics? Sorry... if I come off as if ranting, I have a labyrinth of ideas in my head that I need toconfine to a piece of paper, I don't want to think about something I can readily discard... nice name, though, Frederick... peaceful ruler... Germanic, like my second name, Conrad... anyways, hope you're still not awake while I reply.