if I drink enough beer with my dad it'll compensate for all the years he wasn't here, if I bake enough cakes with my mom i'll forget I'd never forgive her. Just like if I had 9000$ no-one would ever see my face again. Fugees echo in my bathroom, they smell of anger when the song ends. And now I'm brand new. Water sits on me like a disease, And now that I shaved I can see how that bike bit me. The scars on my legs laugh bitterly, How could I not see? That I'm the flu within me. I'm guilty. For the insomnia, the tears For the kid in me with no freedom, for the fears. I've made and broken my own dreams, Just how things are meant to be. Timeline healthy. Life will eat me, Whole and leave no crumbs. Wipe the table too, you eat well when you behave well. And so I'll die at my own hands. Forgiving yet so ravaged, Desperate to touch Some other version of me. I'll die how I always wanted it to be, by my own means slowly wrapped in the smears of superficiality, I've clung to, solely, to survive being me. Hollowed out but never empty The only thing left to caress, Is the shell I'll become to protect what remains of myself Salted smile scented happiness.