"Suicide just may be easier if you' re able do it twice." - Passenger

What if death feels ,  good ?
Not euphoric....just good.
No state of ecstasy ,
not that kind of novelty.

Think of laying down ,
on a freshly-made bed , after a tiresome day.

Think of that first sigh of relief.

Envision the back of your eyelids
as all noise becomes no noise.

Feel your aching bones and stressed muscles softening against your comforting linen sheets.

Who knew , nothingness , could be so rewarding ?

Now ,

imagine your reality.

Is it against comforting linen ?

Mine feels swaddled in hand-me-downs.

In case of an emergency ,

hope.

Hope , that the "emergency" was just a false alarm.

In case of an emergency ,

pray...

then wait.

"Patience is a virtue"

but patience brought pain....

addiction

depression

questions.

I never could accept  emergencies.

My mother having a minor stroke as I watched helplessly....

Finding my father ,
collapsed in pain unable to move...

Having a gun aimed at my head as I slept....

STD's....

Going broke.

Losing.

Hoping.

Crying.

Dying.

My heart stopped a few times ,
in a few ways.

There' s always some unfair compromise
with the promise of anxiety.

What' s the first thing you' ll do if you found out there' s no remedy for your emergency ?

I' d really like to lay down.

Oh by the way ,

I' m a Christian.