I’ve been being selfish for so long
Stuck in my head i’ve got it all wrong
On the sidelines while my family is in pain
Wish we’d talk more but I refrain
Don’t want it to seem like I don’t care
It’s unfair, this responsibility i bear
I know it’s not my fight
But it doesn’t feel right
Sitting here doing nothing for you
Maybe that’s why i’m so blue
I feel so helpless and I don’t know what to say
Scared that you won’t be here someday
I can’t find those special words
Or sing a beautiful song like birds
Something to take away all your trauma
Hopefully someday you’ll forgive mama
I hate seeing my family so torn apart
Physically feeling those tears on my heart
Hard to celebrate holidays being incomplete
Wish i could shake this feeling of defeat
What i’d give to be back at that wooden table
I know we might not ever be stable
But i miss laughing as a family
Maybe it’s the insanity
Going through another heartbreak
Everything you do feels like a mistake
You’re so much more than you seem
The MVP on my team
You’ve done so much for me
Someday you’ll see what i see
We’re all outcasts
Not the first or last
But you’re my older brother
Held it down without our mother
Without you I would’ve been so scared
Thank you for the love you’ve shared
Foster care was no match for us
So many things we need to discuss
Like why we stopped playing ball
Or how did i get so tall
I wouldn’t be who i am without you
I wouldn’t be alive without you
Never told you but you talked me out of trying
When the only thing i felt like doing was dying
We’re all so hurt
We’ve been dragged through the dirt
Yet we always had each other’s backs
I just wish we could have that back
I wish I could help.