for me, the most perfect combination of superheroes is, Bruce Wayne & David Dunn - i.e. Batman & the Unbreakable respectively... i had a childhood friend once, big on Spiderman... he asked me the same question, who is your favourite superhero... that's way before the film Unbreakable came out... i said Batman... why? he asked... because he's a superhero... but he has not super-powers... but i think i sided with Batman because, from the age of 4 through to the age of 8 i was raised by my grandparents... the whole economic migration "thing" from the upcoming fall of the Soviet empire & its satellites uprooted a lot of people, not to mention: it ******* uprooted manufacturing jobs everywhere, and the metallurgy industry... people were, moved... rough patch for my grandparents too, grandfather was the most perfect grandfather, but he also drank... my grandmother was a ***** to him... i think it only took one broken arm by being pushed through a glass door... something like that... not as bad as the case with my father, though... abandoned by his parents, altogether, raised by his authoritarian grandmother & her second husband... yeah... superheroes... well if i don't have a devil in my shadow i'd probably like to think i have an amalgam of Bruce Wayne & David Dunn... why? David Dunn isn't rich, he's humble, yet he has tremendous genes, almost paranormal qualities... plus a wife and a son... Bruce? well... we all know what he has... money... blah blah... the freedom being... freed from having parents... imagine that freedom... esp. if this freedom is coupled with having inherited everything from them... no care for lineage... no care for the family name... marry these two characters together, though... like me... i have money: but i also don't have money... i only remember having dislocated my thumb, once... i rarely fall prey to colds or any other discomfort... beside itchy feet from standing too long in one space...

get me away from this transcription *******! get me away!
i would have found it easier to be a bricklayer
than having to copy words of unoriginality:
even though they are much to my liking, since:
they simply elaborate what i was already thinking:
objective thinking is: overrated...
subjective thinking is... not really, or merely...
or simply about "feeling"...
           that subjective thinking is performed by women
to the extent that women use more ciphers
than metaphors (etc.) is one thing...
a woman might say something but imply something
completely opposite...
a man? a man will not use such ciphers...
he will take it upon himself to say something:
not-literally... two of my favourite techniques is...
metaphor & the misnomer...
misnomers are... employed to venture into
the thesaurus... to "mis-direct" or rather to allow someone
to direct themselves to a pseudo-eureka moment...
these days misnomers are encapsulated in
script borrowed from the existentialists...
air-quotes as they're called: to say someone is
"racist" is as much as saying someone is "liberal"...
but doing a transcript? what a ****-show!

- like today, working a shift at the London Stadium,
i'm sorry... but fat black girls have the best sense
of humour... i can be self-deprecating...
but they take it to extreme... this supervisor
was telling us a story about how she started back
in 2012 at the Olympics...
she said she wouldn't be placed pitch-side
on one of those "chairs": stools...
because it would take about 10 people to put
her on the stool... & about 10 people to get her up...
otherwise any attempt would look like
a beached whale salvage operation...
fair enough... if a plump black girl (woman)
can joke like that... it's self-deprecating but it's
also endearing...
i'm endeared by her honesty...
black women should do more stand-up comedy...
but...
if i'm supposed to be working... with these...
lanky... Somali colts... these boys who only
want to work but only end up watching
the match: rather than watching the crowd...
i get *******... first half in...
the gangway was getting blocked...
i was downstairs ensuring no one brought alcohol
in view of the pitch...
i made the decapitation gesture:
**** it, i.e. drink up... i told them:
no more alcohol for away fans after kick-off...
so some decided to take the extra glug-glug...
fair enough... how many ******* times was i asked
where they could smoke? enough...
one even asked me... where's the betting shop...
the, ******* what?! betting shop?!
can't you do that online these days?
must have been an addict, blocked from placing
bets online...

these... skinny... Somali kids are supposed to...
deal with some of these Yorkshire beefcakes?
pumped up & ready to rumble?
o.k., i don't mind minorities...
but the ones i've since worked with:
are ******* clueless zombies...
camels designate more respect by spitting on you...
clueless, little, *******...
a gust wind could ******* K.O. them...
you're putting these little ***** on the away stand...
and they're only there, to what... watch the ******* game?
at 12:36 i left my post... below the stair...
the ******* gangway was constipated with people
who left their seats...
like... ha ha... Moses i parted the sea of people...
i have so little authority in this hierarchy of
crowd management...
no... authority i do have... hierarchical...
i don't even know the word for it... "sentiment"?
bombast? the expression:
pushing your weight around... even though
you don't have the weight to push anyone around with...
just an empty status clink...
a sort of security netting: people think they
achieve a certain level in a hierarchy and
they immediately think that...
the hierarchy is... hierarchal... that there will not
be an upset from bottom-up...
that hierarchy is all about the top-down
mechanisation of authority...

don't you know that work, done properly,
relieves you from... being entertained?!
arbeit macht frei! *******!
i hate working along slobs, i hate working alongside
idle *****! Somalis come across as these people
who sit around all day expected to be fed!
like zoological creatures:
like, **** knows what...

i was probably one in a hundred of the white
face available at the London stadium...
how far is Leeds from Rotherham?
i know the two are in Yorkshite... sorry... York-SHIRE...
40min... circa 36 miles...
boys... pints end here: non-verbal communication
with the hand slicing off the head...
about four of the most innocent beauties pretending to
smoke via vaping... once or twice: pass...
third time... noticed them... said no-no
by moving my head from side to side...

what, ******* authority am i, if i only exert the power
to don a high-viz. shirt?!
for, ****'s sake... up the gangway doing some
colt-mother-******'s job... oi!
you're not here to watch the ******* match:
you ******* silly ****!

how many times was i approached...
too many... where's the bathroom, can i smoke,
can i get a beer... thist pumping...
what team do you support...
if i were able... in the sacrifice of the absence of people:
i might have worked miracles in carpentry...
all i have now is a sea of people...
but i'm used to it...
go into a graveyard at night...
go into a forest... or... go into a crowd of people:
same ****... different cover...

i just said no-no with my head moving sideway
and i was obeyed...
sorry... but from where i'm coming:
applying Heidegger's dasein...
there-being... not there's being i.e. per se,
sure... i'm there... looking out for people...
but when i return home and take to drinking some
whiskey... it's almost forever a second job...
esp. when i can scrutinise people not doing theirs!

let me rephrase that:
ich würde machen das makellose schutzstaffelmann...
how? perception is key...
i'll ensure my black tie is visible...
if i find some "flea" of feather or dirt
on my attire i'd pinch it off... if m shoes are
*****... i'll stand on one foot and rub the shoe against
my trousers...

and how i love to watch the women in the audience...
as much as watching women i love to watch
the children... while their fathers get drunk i'm
the sobering walk-about presence...
even today i felt a penetrating gaze of a boy:
somewhat embarrassed by his father drinking too much...
his eyes implored me to comfort him somewhat:
obviously i didn't... but you can: READ people...
you can READ them...
as they see you: is as they read you...
that's the authority of perception...
whether conjured up by Louis XIV or not...

again, the same coworker insinuated that i might want
to hold her hand... toxic... she only disclosed that she
drank half a bottle of brandy prior to the event...
i drank a bottle of whiskey... but i didn't say...
please don't tell me you want to hold my hand...
did i outstretch my hand and ask her to hold it?
i insinuated to her a cusp... folded my arm in a way
that i could put my hand in my pocket and she
could put it in the hole... well... if you're asking
but not taking up the offer?! *******!

- it's hardly racist for the Yorkshire beefcakes
to approach me, i'm friendly... they're friendly...
why aren't they approaching the "minorities"...
i have this love-hate relationship with the English...
i love living among them, i hate...
i hate being supposed to be one of them...
i took this language as my own...
i don't expect my version of this language
to be reflective of their: inheritance...
i'm not even going to urbanise it... slang it...
i'm familiar... Yorkshire beefcakes will approach me
because: i look familiar...
timid ******* Somalis... tools! tools!
it's the familiarity that keeps us awake...
while i was busting my nuts doing the job of two people...
this *******... urgh... was just standing there
watching the match... i wanted to *****-slap him
so bad that he might return donning a ******* turban
pretending to be a Sikh!

in all honesty? i want the majority of people to be lazy,
i want them to have zombie brains...
i don't need them to be aware of anything within
the confines of this existence beside themselves...
i need them that way... not personally: just generally...
i need them to be pedestrians in my life experience...
they need to simply occupy a threshold of
existence that would otherwise be filled with
an "absence": but given their, ahem, "rigorous"
approach to life... not much difference...
my shadow could do more than they attempt to do:
this glorified: i'm entitled to life approach...

disposable creatures: thing-things...
i doubt they even think, i doubt they think because
i doubt they even possess the faculty to see...
to hear... speaking is an obstacle to them
saying good afternoon to ticket holders is,
somehow, exclusively, "beyond them"...

again: i'm working around the parameters of
Heidegger's dasein... there-being...
i'm there, i'm "there", like i'm hiersein...
i'm here, i'm "here"...
or... "i'm" here...
but not really... thinking gives me flight...

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