you know
people are constantly mourning
the version of myself
they created in their minds
but i've really never changed

i'm talking about ten years old
all of a sudden i've become an adult
ready for the push and shove
i'm talking about twelve years old
i'm apathetic and anxious
and antisocial
i'm talking about thirteen years old
i'm a *****
i'm talking back too much
i'm talking about fourteen years old
the time i bleached my hair
and suddenly i was a new kid in class
someone entirely else
you can approach me now
except for my father
because now i look like my mother
which means now i'm ready
to be the outlet of his rage
i'm talking about fifteen years old
freshman year of high school and i'm scared
but friends 1 2 and 3 from last year
see my instagram photos and
decide i'm **** and a ***** and a ****
and i'm so very very very changed.
sixteen years old my hair is back dark
and i'm wearing extra layers
and oh no you can't talk to me anymore
people can't know you associate
i no longer look pretty for your social media
seventeen years old
i cut my hair and dyed it purple
no one talks to me anymore
not even the kind ones
apparently i'm too far gone
eighteen years old
i've been through black, blonde, purple, brown and blue
i'm supposed to be more adult now
so my mother thinks i just must be cruel
i cut off all my hair
they think that changed me, too
nineteen years old
great news, i'm transgender
they're holding funerals for me back home
i dye my hair pink
my friends who i've known for only months, weeks, say

i can't recognize you
you've changed