here we are again,
sitting alone in a bed
sheets pulled off the mattress,
i've been too depressed to put them back like i usually do.
something so ******* simple, and yet it seems so ******* impossible to do.
my room is a mess
of discarded, disregarded food
that I could never bring myself to eat
much less finish
my fish cries out for food, but how
how can i move, how can i sit, how can i feed
i can't even take care of myself, Cornelius.
I never should have bought you
i told myself i was saving you
I can't even save myself, can I?
my clothes are *****
i've been wearing the same pants for the last week
I wake up, I go to work, I come home, I sleep
I have no time to think
and yet it's all that i can ever do.
I miss the person who used to care
i miss being obvious when i cared
now i can't feel anything
"I love you's" are empty
kisses are soulless, every breath comes without air.
I'm gasping,
but I still smoke
it doesn't burn,
it just jolts me into another reality, i suppose
everything is blurry, i barely remember today
i barely remember starting this.
I'm so good at pretending
i'm so ******* good at it that even I almost believe it.
i'm so hungry
if i eat, i'll puke
those pills look promising.
why am i alive?