loved sensitivity

embraced & accepted.

no apologies,

only for the wrong
for the right reasons.

october, since.

when will he be well? . . .

will my absence be the cure?...

my distance the anecdote...

("no one can..."
"only i can")

for now i only b r e a t h e . . .

simplify, life.

live. preoccupy.

be myself.
(by myself.)

i will be a stranger for you...
i will make you see
that i am strong enough.

christmas, i think of you.

new year, no you...

when will i wake from this comatose

scale 3

"i love you" in ASL
but you never notice...

words diminish truth. actuality.
leading to our very own fatality...

words, a bleak & silent mid-winter for now. . .

reduced.

anterograde amnesia.

...how i long for a different state
of consciousness...

if i felt fervent fondness, would you? . . .

no...i tell myself.

i preoccupy.

terrified of the outcome...
what is supposed to come of this?
i ask but receive only hate.

"*******...easy."
"you're right. i am good at walking away."

"i'm not going anywhere as long as you still want me here..."
i reach out into the dark but i can't find your hand there...

ghosts disguised as words
haunt me
waking
or
sleeping.

years will pass.
you will return to wellness.
i won't say a word.
i will listen to every word
that falls from the lips
i've longed to press softly
against mine...
only to hear
that they're saying that
they do not want my love after all...

will i want the comatose?. . .

yes...i tell myself.

if i will not have you, i will not have anyone.

i preoccupy;

puffy sleepy brown eyes read millions of pages, beige.
billions of words, carefully chosen.
my feet worn yet hungry for many trails unexplored.
paint strokes left out to dry in the warmth of the summer sun...

you are the reason
i sometimes write two dots instead of three..

i have forgotten the sound of your voice...
but still i remember your caramel hair.

i squeezed your hand tightly
as our lips remained
ever so slightly parted...
sleepy eyes closed..
those flushed cheeks...
i'd give everything to feel warm against mine
once more...

do you remember it the way i do?. . .

will you remember me? . . .

i sit patiently
impatiently.

the attic is dusty,

i have been dusting
year after year.

i will make room for you.

i will love you so hard..

or i will withhold it,
lest you look through the windows
you will know...
but will you feel it?
will you want to feel it?

surviving.
thriving.
surviving.

i hear your sighs...
one look into those
heathered baby blue eyes &
you never have to say a word...

some day,
i will fall out of
this siesta.

bright-eyed,
a euphoric covering yet sadness simultaneously lives beneath.
heated flush yet bones bitten with chill within.

right person, wrong time.

a day
not soon
i lie to myself...

take your time
but hurry . . .
and wake me
from this comatose sleep. . .