i woke up today
eager
ready to face the dawn

i was looking forward to things today
excited
then they got canceled

i told myself that id be fine
'okay'
and i tried to be productive

i took a bath and tried to relax
clean
but it backfired because i was left alone with my thoughts

(i ate a lot yesterday)
(does he like me?)
(am i annoying?)
(my stomach is too big, what am i going to do when summer comes?)
(what am i gonna do now?)

i got out of the tub
dripping
and i told myself that i am okay

(i lied)

i sat in the chair next to the christmas tree
silently
trying to think of something to do

i went outside and played basketball
"swish"
then i went inside

now im here sitting in the dark
typing
hoping someone else knows how i feel

(why do i feel so numb inside?)
(i want to cry but i can't)
(why is my stomach so empty but the thought of food disgusts me right now?)

i thought i was fine yesterday... but now im not
(spiraling...)
its no fun