it’s happening again
i’m sinking farther into my bed
i can’t seem to get myself to wash my hair
i don’t even stand in the shower anymore
i let the water fall down my body
i’m just going through the motions again
hoping i’ll just drown in my tears
but i can’t seem to cry
maybe if i leave the laundry on the floor
it’ll pick itself up and get in the washer
maybe if i leave my bed unmade
it’ll eventually make itself
can’t seem to get myself to make food
the hunger pains greet me with open arms
maybe tonight i won’t go home to an empty house
i hope my boyfriend doesn’t get tired of me
i miss my mom again
i’m spending far too long in the bathroom instead of going back out and facing the nothingness
i have somehow trapped myself in again
i really wish it wasn’t happening again