I open my eyes hesitantly
awaiting the pain
that never came..

I attempt to give
my body the nourishment
it needs,
wants,
longs for
& deserves..

I drive,
screaming "Heather"
into a safe void
I made for myself
to crumble into pieces.

I realize that
with others,
everything feels out of control..
but by myself,
i am sure of everything.

I wash the day
out of my brown-red hair.

tie it back
with the hair tie
i lent you that one day..

i sit at my desk
and write..
write
write
write..

what else can i do?

what else do people do when
they are seconds from
running towards
what makes then happy..

running towards
what makes them feel at home..

running towards
what makes them feel real.. human.. most like themselves..

running towards
what makes them feel like nothing will ever stop them..

running towards
the one they were created to become & place they were meant to be..

running towards
what makes them feel  a l i v e

leaping with jubilance
into the arms of love, innocence, and vulnerability..

yet simultaneously deniably
running from
what is pulling their heart apart
into trillions of pieces
in all directions,
scattered across
the void that was once a safe space?..