"Fear leads to control which leads to manipulation."

You hit the nail right on the head when you said that to me, and you knew it, with one sentence you summed up my entire existence. Fear is the real f-word here. Fear of not being in control, so I take control by manipulation.

Manipulating my situation, manipulating food, manipulating you* so I can feel safe, so I don’t fear.

But it all circles back around, and I’m afraid again.