Two and a half years clean
and I still miss it every day,

it used to be hard for me
even to know there was a
bottle in my cupboards,

now, it’s just a lingering
thought, an ever present
"this is an option"
kind of like suicide

but suicide I’m much
more grateful for,

not that I want to die,
but that I want that control,
I’ve been saying so since I
was thirteen years old

that I’m not afraid of death,

I’m just afraid of not
being in control of it.

- S.G.