I pick at my skin,
pull at my fat, measure my
thighs, arms, shoulders, hips
and say things like,

"I wish I could just be normal."

but you don’t realize what that means,
you don’t realize that fat is not just a physical
feeling, fat is everything I hate about the world,
everything I hate about waking up, everything
that I am deathly afraid of,

fat is everything I wish I could say to you
to make you understand all the insignificant
things throughout the day that make me go crazy

"I wish I could make this all go away."

I wish I could make myself go away

I wish the
400 calories,
500 calories,
600 calories less

could make me disappear

I wish being empty
was as fulfilling as my
head tells me it is.

- S.G.