Looking at myself in the mirror.
I would wonder how can I see the person within clearer.
I have never thought about the thing residing inside as myself.
It always felt like somebody else.

As a matter of fact, I never seriously tried
to study what's inside.
The fear that I would encounter something unpleasant made me want to hide.
"What is inside doesn't exist tell you look inside." I lied.

I liked to think of my soul like Schrodinger's cat.
Both dead and alive at the same time.
Due to this misperception of mine,
my heart and mind were in endless combat.
Every time
I would take a sneak peek at myself I felt like I have committed a grave crime.

The truth is, I was ashamed of who I am.
An average person, with no heroic purpose.

In order to gain ever so little serenity,
to live in minimum concordance with my identity,
to keep my sanity:
I acknowledged the person within.
But not as an equal to me,
but rather as an outsider.
One who in my eyes portrayed society's collective advice.

Yet there was my heart and mind as well.
The old foes.
To this unbalanced couple, my soul became the third wheel.
I think it's fair ​to say that I live in chaos. In constant doubt.

Such a life can be tiring.
But to constantly be on the lookout for contradiction can also be inspiring.
In this mayhem of mine.
I found a home, which I like to call: "myself".