All the elders in my life
take it upon themselves to guide me
to some mystical goal I apparently have.

Even my father,
a man who thinks of me as just a mistake,
has found it within himself to tell me
what it is I'm destined for.

They all use different words and syntax
and present it in their own unique way
but the message is just an echo.

"You're gonna be somebody you know.
With your smarts and the way you see the world,
you're gonna be big. No question.
You just need to take the time to sit back
and really ask yourself what it is you want
because lemme tell ya,
you can get it what with all you got"

*******.

But I smile and nod and sometimes
I even stare off into the distance
as if suddenly taken by some ethereal force
that will point me to the future.

In reality I couldn't care less what my elders think.
Or what anyone thinks about who I'm going to be.
What does it matter to you what I become?
It won't be because of you.

I have no idea what I want to be.
Why be anything?
So many of my days are spent juggling around
the idea of if I even want to be at all.

But their thoughts of me fill my head some nights
and I sit here staring up into the ceiling
for empty hours on end
trying to see myself as they claim to.

What is it that I really want?

In this moment

all I want

is to be ******
and high when it happens.

I figure that'd be just a fine thing to be.