Letting myself feel is killing me.It is my cancer.It will **** me.It is killing me.And I don’t care.Just get it over with.Feelings have always been my cancer.All of my life, even as a little girl.It is deadly and lethal.It is rotting me away,From the inside out.A heart that has been broken,Over and over for so long,It does not know anything else.Everything, Everything inside of meHas been ***** and brutally torn out of me.People do not understand it, they don’t get it.This will put me in the ground.They say, “Just get over it!” My “get over its” and “starting overs” are all used up.No one know all of it, they wouldn’t believe it or couldn’t handle it.I have learned the hard lesson about “letting people in”.So I isolate, stay home, in my room.Because I see my cancer is sometimes contagious, feeds on others.This is why it is critical for me to self medicate.I do not do it for any other reason.

Allison Josie Lee

2/22/2010