do you think i don't remember? that i don't still feel the cold metal gun pressed into my skin? that i don't sometimes reenact every scenerio, pretending that i am the one pulling the trigger? i still pull my hair back and powder my cheeks with blush, pull my stockings up past my knees and look in the mirror with doll eyes- the false innocence- so easy to play. an actress i am, always have been.

i wish i had killed you.

you beat me to it, your secrets two steps away from exposure.

they scraped your brains off the parking lot, power washed every memory you had of me.

your last breath was my first sigh of relief.