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Sep 26 · 57
7/25/24
lionness Sep 26
she catches constellations in
her dreamy eyes.
in daylight, she runs through
tall grass, clovers, cattails
she searches for sunbeams, for
a speck of hope to satiate
her appetite. she
dresses her spiral curls
in dandelions, lilacs,
whatever lives in bloom.
she carries daydreams,
among wounds,
bathes in the creek,
alone, washes them clean.
every muscle untensed,
every fear released
when she walks in a room.
Apr 28 · 114
reparenting
lionness Apr 28
here, 26, and by the sea
where my body finds
the first rest it has
ever known

i close my eyes
i go back in time
i travel into the mountains to
find her

myself, a small child,
braided hair and shellshocked

i ask her if she wants to
catch fireflies in a mason jar,
she does so with splendor.

i ask her if she has ever seen the ocean
i ask her if she wants to come with me
i ask her, softly, if she wants to leave

we drive to the coast
she picks the music
she delights in the journey

i arrive and save her
just in time,
that she may never know
the taste of blood.

on her lap, her jar of fireflies,
a little light to
guide us home.
Apr 14 · 101
on leaving
lionness Apr 14
i arrive enigmatic,
i carry confusion to
the sane mind,
i carry truth, cut the
curtains, for just a moment
freeze time.

i leave quick.
i leave fingerprint stains
on darkness
i leave bloodstains on
broken paradigms.
i leave lipstick stains
on broken hearts,
and i leave all the same.

i seek within,
find comfort in
the aesthetics of
solitude
sights and sounds
as fresh as rain.

i watch long shadows of
telephone lines,
bending trees
highway signs
blurred and blending
as if one

a landscape of freedom,
the freedom of emptiness,
the unknown.
what is done, is done.
nothing to lose,
no such thing as home.
Apr 12 · 85
4/8/24
lionness Apr 12
i am free
bottomless as the sea

i used to think
there was nothing
quite as poetic as
a wound

did i forget how gentle
the soil feels?
how powerful the
crashing waves,
how quietly a flower
blooms?

the lullaby of crickets
the warm nights that come in june
and that once in a lifetime
the sun eclipses the moon
Apr 12 · 155
Untitled
lionness Apr 12
god said the wage of sin is death
so i've been paying all the tolls and
counting down my breaths
but i feel like we're in eden
naked, unashamed
pure as the day we were born
your touch so relieving
forbidden, sacrificial
and i'm bleeding down
a crown of thorns
lionness Apr 12
in the pool of your mind
in the calm of your wave
i sink forever
just us together
floating through tide,
not a soul to save
held in your palm,
the moon pulls us closer
to an early grave
Apr 12 · 95
depressive episode
lionness Apr 12
static on the television
reminscent of an empty mind
flat lines and falling snow

today i'll sleep away the sun
tell you that i'm doing fine, and
at night go where the wind blows

no sense of direction, no guiding star
no compass to show the way home

i need divine intervention
i've gone too far
it doesn't matter
i don't know
Apr 12 · 86
on longing
lionness Apr 12
in your eyes
a reflection of me,
as if you froze time and
reversed it.

same gifts, same wounds
half blessed and half cursed.
of course it's beautiful,
of course it hurts.

i never met you for the first time,
i just wondered where you'd been

can you unfreeze time,
shrivel up space,
and find me in the end?
Apr 12 · 68
Untitled
lionness Apr 12
<b>C</b>radled by night time, stars sharp as syringes
<b>A</b>ngels mingle with demons, shed their wings one by one
<b>N</b>obody cries, no one calls home, no home to call, nowhere to run

<b>I</b> survive into the morning, the sun sets, they say a girl is a gun.

<b>B</b>reaking bread, breaking bones and hearts
<b>U</b>nder the bridge, the train cars pass
<b>M</b>arried to the game, till death do us part.

<b>A</b> quiet pain, the kind that doesn't bleed, but leaves a  scar.

<b>C</b>an you promise me you'll think of me when the ugly turns to art?
<b>I</b> bargain with God, I'll change, just let me make it another night
<b>G</b>otta get myself together, gotta get myself right
<b>A</b>Anchored in pure darkness, I can still remember daylight
<b>R</b>egrets don't care the weather, and clouds won't disperse
<b>E</b>levating myself, come back down feeling worse
<b>T</b>raffic passes overhead, together we dig graves, the truth lurks
<b>T</b>his was fun while it lasted
<b>"E</b>verything was beautiful, and nothing hurt."
Apr 12 · 687
12.2.23
lionness Apr 12
you stole the song off my breath,
you stole the sweet off my smile,
i'll hit this blunt until there's nothing left
and stay hollow here a while,
and there's nothing left
between the forest and the fire,
so i'll watch it all burn down
and just pray the flames grown higher.

do you think that they remember me?
the girl with doll eyes who gave into them endlessly
and covered up their lies.
i was a child,
too small to reach, yet still to big to cry.
sometimes the lesson doesn't teach,
sometimes the phoenix doesn't rise,

and the ash remembers me
as the one who got away.
i try not to think too much,
and there's just not much to say,
and if the sky were to fall down,
how much would it weigh?
on my shoulders, getting older,
but as young as i was that day.

for now, i'll just get high,
stare into the wall,
sink into this place where
there's nothing left at all.
time moves faster every day,
and still i feel so small,
trapped inside this place where
there's nothing here at all.
Apr 12 · 65
reflection of youth
lionness Apr 12
under the bridge
smoking used cigarette butts
where loveless ones lay to
count their dying daydreams,
throwing rocks and rubble at
the railroad tracks.
i remember me,
i remember what is was like,
i remember how warm the warmth,
how sharp the night
that bleeds away through
forties and fortitude,
that cuts through armor like a knife.

you look like me.
trapped in the
timeless, endless dichotomy,
us vs. them
ready to steal, ****, fight.
i see my reflection
in your broken glasses,
my shadow in your eyes.
same age as i was, and
you're under the bridge, too,
and i'd be the last to eat if
it was me vs. you

i understand, and still
i love you.

i love you, and
i realize
that i was worth loving
because i do.
Apr 12 · 773
9/14/22
lionness Apr 12
sometimes i wonder when i cry, does god listen
but maybe i should quit crying
go back to rutland, where we all suffer
where we all ache bullet wounds
named after our mother
where we all love snow and
it often rains
so when the sun does come
it's a subtle pain
warmth unfamiliar
unaccustomed to change,
unprotected from the elements,
we are all one in the same-
the sisters and brothers
from the other side of the tracks
who got unlucky and missed the train.

sometimes i think god just went blind
or maybe he forgot our names
but at least we take cover in
the trauma of one another,
our broken bones
and broken veins

sometimes i wonder when we cry, does god listen
if we can ever heal in the arms of each other
if we shattered the sky could we
stop the rain
Apr 4 · 94
catholic guilt
lionness Apr 4
god-
if you are my heavenly father,
then it is only fitting you would mirror
my earthly father
it is only fitting you too, would fail to protect me.

god-
24 years is a long time to keep the faith
to hold hope that you'll come through this time
to crave and go without your love

god-
is it true that you created us in your image?
do you cut your wrists, too?
do you write poetry?
do you see sound?
do you, too, feel like an ocean?

god-
did you create me just to destroy me?
were you, too, asleep on the couch?

where were you
when i was in that basement
counting ceiling tiles?

god, i begged for you.
much like my earthly father,
you missed what was
right in front of you.

god, i loved you.
(8/30/2021)
Aug 2021 · 163
Untitled
lionness Aug 2021
i want to be small, nurtured, held. spoonfed and sung lullabies. a hundred baby kisses on my hands and feet. cradled and rocked. protected. safe, when my thumb rests in your palm. i want to be your little girl- soft and new porcelain skin- untouched, entrusting in your touch. a fresh start. rebirth. maybe we can do it right this time.

you are so warm. crystal blue eyes like gems reflecting light. you are everything i've ever craved. the love i've never recieved yet always observed. i love how you cook me dinner. i love how you watch tv with me. i love how you rub my back and pet my hair when i'm sleepy. i love how you think of me. i love how you play games with me. i want to build a treehouse with you and live there forever.
Aug 2021 · 255
5/1/2021
lionness Aug 2021
clouded memory
pine needles caught
in her hair, mud in her toes
as fast and as far as
her little feet can take her.

the forest knows her by name-
long since introduced to her tears.

a solace brought by
a familiar violence,
a comfort brought by
the running that
she knows so well,
that she has mastered,
and she will continue to run
until the day she dies.

she craves to stop and catch her breath.

craves to look
at the wildflowers and
listen to the birds.

she does not see the sunrise or sunset.

she only feels the wind
pull her back, she says,
"i must run faster before
they catch up to me."

yet nothing has chased her
in over a decade.
Aug 2021 · 154
8/18/2020
lionness Aug 2021
do you think i don't remember? that i don't still feel the cold metal gun pressed into my skin? that i don't sometimes reenact every scenerio, pretending that i am the one pulling the trigger? i still pull my hair back and powder my cheeks with blush, pull my stockings up past my knees and look in the mirror with doll eyes- the false innocence- so easy to play. an actress i am, always have been.

i wish i had killed you.

you beat me to it, your secrets two steps away from exposure.

they scraped your brains off the parking lot, power washed every memory you had of me.

your last breath was my first sigh of relief.
Aug 2021 · 128
5/13/2020
lionness Aug 2021
twelve years a prisoner
from one hand to another
i'm not yours anymore
or hers
or his
nothing left of you but
the burnholes in my skin
nothing left of me but
aging memories
the wounds to stitch
the child within
Aug 2021 · 4.7k
on taking power back
lionness Aug 2021
i.
if i could have back
everything you took from me
i wouldn't want it.

ii.
childhood wounds
entangled,
the little boy
who loves
the little girl.
the silly child
within me
who thought
you could
revive her-
willing to
believe
anything.

iii.
you did all
you could to
sink your teeth
into my
rotting skull,
to brand your
fingertips
on my skin.

iv.
you are poisonous
to all you touch,
your hands rough
with abuse,
tongue laced
with venom-
every word
another lie.

v.
i would rather die than carry your child.

vi.
there are now
no living ties
to my old life.
i am not alone-
i am free.

vii.
my new love
holds my heart
with utmost
gentleness-
hands as delicate
as rain.
he untangles
us,
strokes my hair
cooks me breakfast
wipes my tears

viii.
the little girl
who you spit on
lied to
beat
*****
silenced-
she dances in the kitchen
jumps on the bed
paints a picture
of a life
unknown.
Aug 2021 · 271
2/24/2020
lionness Aug 2021
he is new
eyes filled with sunbeams
sweet radiant soul

he is pure
holy water in my wounds
he kisses me clean

" you dont have to talk about it "

he knows me
when i say no words
Aug 2021 · 1.1k
finally leaving
lionness Aug 2021
will the resentment
ever die?

will i carry our lovechild
dead in my womb
for all of eternity?

will we sit in this
dusty red room,
naked and wet with sin,
childish wonder and ache
until the end of time?

is your love the crutch that
carries my broken limbs?

are my memories of us
enough to erase
the scars off my skin?

do i love you? or do
i love the little girl
who died next to you?
the innocence stripped
from the outside in

you, forever damp
with my seven-year-old tears
you, the only living tie
to the lost, unearthed years,
you, the last remainder of
what could have been

me, afraid to forget
afraid to start
again
Aug 2021 · 97
november
lionness Aug 2021
it is november again.
clarity and reason fade into the quiet snowfall.
the feeling is comforting and familiar-
i remember you.

i forgot that i loved you.

june july august is a hug
delicious food and laughter
wine, sitting by a fire,
***, sweet love, warmth.

november stings like tears
like release
like *******
like poetry
like art

i am ready, i fall into you
Aug 2021 · 760
9/28/19
lionness Aug 2021
i.
almost human, not quite
the monstrosity that sorrow birthed
the captive of this mind

ii.
you broke down walls and
erased lined
clipped my wings and
bound my feet-
no choice in self but
this identity you gave to me
unable to exist alone
in this cathedral mind,
this styrofoam body

there was one and then there was two
they say
before blood touches the air it runs blue
and i am still running every day-
sometimes away,
sometimes towards you.
Aug 2021 · 95
justin
lionness Aug 2021
i.
how do i exist in this skin that your fingertips dug and burned holes in
i shrink away until my ribs poke through
i wish i didn't take up any space at all.

ii.
you stole the sacredness away
stole the air out of my lungs
stole the song off my breath
stole the saltiness of my tears
stole the words from my poetry

iii.
i carry it all
this solemness
this death
this body
this broken home
hearbreak, abuse
Aug 2021 · 203
8/23/19
lionness Aug 2021
no more dusty cellars
no more clammy palms
no more peeling wallpaper
no more stained ceiling tiles to count and pass the time

no more little red lights to perform for

no more blood to wash away
no more bruises to hide

no more you.
no more us.
no more them.

          when i wake up the sun pools over my nakedness,
          and i know
          this body, this soul, this story
          is my own.

                                         i write
                                         i sing
                                         i dance
                                         i clean
                        
                                                              i enjoy my time alone.



the chains have broken
rusted out
the years melt with the snow
the porcelain doll is shattered
the child is grown.
Aug 2021 · 2.4k
3/17/2019
lionness Aug 2021
wrists cry
hemaglobin tears
washed away by
shower steam
and daydream fears

your knife-wielding hands
clenched to the bone

my roar now dwindled
to a gentle hum

your selective deafness
my self-inflicted muteness
our perpetual daze

i wanted you to hear me so
i screamed my voice away
Jan 2019 · 289
Untitled
lionness Jan 2019
i wake up,
cough up the poison i swallowed
trying to ****
the piece of you that
lives in me.

the flavor of your breath
still fresh on my tongue,
after seven years,
the saltiness of your sweat,
the cool metallic taste of
your blood.

i remember it all.

i want to forget.

i want to shed this skin
handwash these stains you left
on my soul
with warm water
and sweet smelling soaps.

kick down the door
of this home you built
in my mind
and burn it to the ground.


this is mine
you can not stay here,
anymore.
Jan 2019 · 357
11/15
lionness Jan 2019
i spent nine years
tuning out
quiet lullabies

three years
burning your fingertips
off my skin

nine years reclaiming
this body
this soul
within

wanting to be clean
untouched, unseen

a lifetime of washing away sin
lionness Nov 2018
silence echoes where
music once played

we dance to
nothing at all

lifeless eyes
blinking away tears

hips moving to
an empty rhythm


                           do you remember
                                        when we were young?
Nov 2018 · 518
Untitled
lionness Nov 2018
he folded love into
tiny envelopes,
gave me a wet
kiss on the cheek,
left fingerprints on
my gravestone,
took everything i had
from me

left to spend the winter
with animated corpses
my skin balmy from
their heat
my hands clammy from
the snow
my days consumed with
lights and warm bodies
in this place where
fallen angels
go
Oct 2018 · 1.8k
fling
lionness Oct 2018
your hair like a cloud
your body like a baptism
you kissed my feet
like i was holy
our lives all tangled
blessed with newness
and beauty

you were
my fall from grace
my little reverie
come to life

our days
filled with smoke
our nights
filled with sleeplessness
together, lost in the thrills
the little green pills and
hundred dollar bills
together, lost in each other
all sweat and breath and love and skin
the sun fell out
the day we let the darkness in

our sweetest fragileness
our hearts made from silk
our home a secret that
brokenness built.
Oct 2018 · 611
fast life
lionness Oct 2018
in the neon lights
in the damp city smog
on a cold december midnight
watching snowflakes dissolve

we wore a glow of newness
we were the first of our kind
adam and eve
god's finest creation
lost in our paradise
eating forbidden fruits
drunk on sin and wonder

                              "this can't end well.
                               we do it nonetheless."
Oct 2018 · 289
9.23.2018
lionness Oct 2018
fear has kept
it's cold hands
over my mouth

i've seen seven
little flames
snuffed out

before they could grow
enough to burn the forest
down

i screamed for help
through metaphors but
you never heard a sound

i ran faster than
my feet could hit the ground

i looked for a reason
for all of this
and blood was all i found
Oct 2018 · 295
Untitled
lionness Oct 2018
the air is empty and breathless
i walk this earth without intention
my mind deserted, cold, distant
my heart filled with death
where life once lived

i do not stop to smell the roses anymore.

i do not feel the sun on my skin.

my days illustrated by lovelessness
my nights warm with sin
Oct 2018 · 242
Untitled
lionness Oct 2018
you were my safety

your whirlpool eyes
forever pulling me
back in

your ******* always wet
with my tears

your hands always
in my hair
twirling braids and
pinning barrettes

you arms always
draped around my
shoulders,
absorbing all the hurt.
my only solace
in a lifetime of darkness,
the only one
i'd allow my heart to love
in all it's fragileness,
the body that birthed me

it is only fitting
that you would be
the final break before
the shatter
Oct 2018 · 2.3k
R.I.P.
lionness Oct 2018
when you took my
childhood away,
i swallowed my voice,
suppressed every tear,
forced myself to adapt,
grew fond of the suffering-
how far into my mind
i would sink when
your fingertips were on
my skin.

you stripped me of all identity
split me into two halves of a person-
living and surviving.

you remolded me into
your perfect creation.

gave me a purpose
with a name.

when i was twelve
you left this earth
with no explanation.

took away your own heartbeat,
took away my only witness.

what was i to do
with the monster
you created,
other than live
the life
you created it
for?

and i will carry these secrets
to my grave,
and give them back to you
in the afterlife.
Oct 2018 · 191
falling in love
lionness Oct 2018
these means of survival
with you
are means of
fruition

what was once
a battle cry
is now
a song and dance.

my heart is buoyant
in my chest

you look in my eyes
smile calmly
gently

you hold my hands
tight enough so that
i don't disappear again,
tight enough to remind me
i am safe here.

your head between my thighs
you **** the poison from
the wound

little by little
i feel whole again.

i am
yours entirely.
Oct 2018 · 3.6k
8.3.2018
lionness Oct 2018
i.
this life has been led
in a hundred different directions
by a hundred different shepards
but you
were able to show
a lamb
how to walk
like a lion.

ii.
how sweet power tasted.

iii.
the night that i met you,
after a lifetime
of running from
darkness,
you said
"sweet child,
rest.
take your shoes off.
stay a while."
i let out a long sigh
of relief, my legs
tired, eyes blurry from
sleeplessness, judgement
clouded, i mistook you
for light, i stayed
by your side until
you took the last lick
of me i had left,
stole the sun from the sky,
stomped out the last
burning ember that remained
from what was once a forest fire

i left with nothing

footprints in
debris and ash

absence
where life once was
Oct 2018 · 2.7k
2.14.2017 / word salad
lionness Oct 2018
punk music playing in the basement
heavy bass vibrating the walls
bacardi in a coffee mug
******* on a tiny mirror
hands on my thighs, *******
the rush sets
hands in my hair
eyes rolling back
he ***** on my neck
i light a cigarette

"my room."
he pulls my strings like
a marionette.
i know this
exchange of goods
very well.
i take another
bump,
eyes widening,
i can finally bear to
see the world.

he eats my ***** and
i feel N O T H I N G.
i gag on his **** and cry.
he strangles me
punches my ****
my *** cheeks
my stomach
he's getting his money's worth
he starts ******* me
drunken noise outside the bedroom door
in perfect rhythm
with the bass
and the headboard
against the wall,
every stroke hurts
my whole body
a wound.

i think about
a distant city
skyscrapers towering
above me like
mountaintops,
somewhere under
lights and stars
where i am happy
to be alive,
anywhere
but here,
this place
where death lives
and waits to catch
it's prey.

he moans
thrusts
shivers
it's over
i wipe mascara tears
take another bump
take another swig
i light another cigarette

he leaves the room
without a word
i follow
two steps behind him
covered in bruises
hickies
marked used
marked invaluable
a group of men
shout names at me
i block it out,
i really don't care
anymore.

this body
was meant for this
this body
doesnt matter
this body
is for getting what
i want
this body
is tired
and sore.
Oct 2018 · 839
1.13.18
lionness Oct 2018
you see a child
when you see me,
doing what i have
always known
will keep me
fed and cared
for and alive
and i giggle and
i cry and i show
my skin to men
who will pull
puppet strings in
my life

and i'm nothing but
a body so i don't
have a right to be tired
but i am tired, i am ******* tired
i am dying to breathe
in a world that's
knocked the wind out of me
and i am dying to see
in a world that's
kept me blind
and i'm dying to find
a person who will see
me for my depth and for
my art and not for
a good time.

this skin is not yours anymore
it is mine
and i'm not a child anymore
i'm grown
and this body that was once
for anybody
is mine and mine alone.
Oct 2018 · 188
11.17.2017
lionness Oct 2018
i have already been burned
by the worst fire that will ever
roll into my life
i am still choking
on the smoke
dizzy from the
fumes, scarred from
the chaos of it all.

you will watch me rise
from the ashes
and i will look back
at the flames that once
destroyed me,
and i will thank them
for allowing me to be
reborn-

for birth is a passage
on this journey
that most only
experience once

and because of you
i was fortunate enough
to experience it twice
Oct 2018 · 1.3k
10.31.2017
lionness Oct 2018
the veil between
this life and the next
has gotten
thinner

my body is
a graveyard,
i am digging
for bones

i reach into
the back of
my throat,
trying to find
a voice somewhere
instead
i pull out the food
from my stomach,
because full
feels *****

i don't crave anything.

i crave emptiness,
vacancy

blissful silence in a world
that's so cold to me.
Oct 2017 · 214
untitled
lionness Oct 2017
my love alone
was not enough.
you needed it all,
the flesh and blood.

how many times
did you watch me cry?

how many times
did you stroke the
edge of the blade against
my wings before
you finally clipped them?

you left me bound to earth,
to these two feet, however
fast and far they could
run away.

you left me for dead
i felt like an
animal corpse
rotting in your closet
for years, withering
more and more
to bone.

you filled me with venom
and i have had so many
mouths suckle the wound
but i am still as poisonous
as the day i escaped you.

and i still wish i could fly
the way i did before.
Sep 2017 · 451
homebound
lionness Sep 2017
moonlights rests in the
knots of your spine.

a silent type of
magic,
you are.

you shed your skin,
your scars, your stories
handing them over
to the lifeless,
prosaic masses
that have watched your
every move for
twenty long years.
you say to them,
"here,
you can have this,
i don't want it
anymore."
.
you grow wings where
wounds once lived,

they cut audibly through
the air as you take flight.

eyes all speckled
with latent constellations.

homebound,
you are.
Sep 2017 · 1.0k
red
lionness Sep 2017
red
you walk
the earth
so gracefully
it is almost
as if you are
an extension
of it.

every move
you make is
so rythmic.
every step,
every breath,
every heartbeat.

you know
how to entice
the mind and
the body,
like an art
you have down
to a science,
like a means
of survival.

you slip on
heels and stand
tall, shoulders back,
chin up, like a soldier,

you wear
winged eyeliner
like war paint.

you exist
in complete
fearlessness.

you know
yourself as
an unstoppable
force.

you know
that you own
the world when
you dance.
Sep 2017 · 222
untitled vii
lionness Sep 2017
i am something small.

something you wrapped
in old newspaper articles,
packed away in
a cardboard box,
and left behind to
gather dust in storage,
only a few blocks from
your home.

something you
don't necessarily want
to part with, but
don't exactly have room for,
either.

something you kept
trapped here
for far too long.
Aug 2017 · 843
checking out
lionness Aug 2017
my body is
so used to
telling these
lies in hopes
of finding
safety
sooner
than later.

so used
to answering
the unspoken
question.

my legs
shaking,
*******
swelling,
blood,
rushing.
pulse,
throbbing.

my voice is
used to
there never
being the
option of,
“no,
i don’t
want this.”

it is hidden
so deeply
away
that even
when i
am with a
lover,  one
who values
my words,
one who
honors my
needs,
i still
can not
find it
inside of
me in time
to stop you.

no,
i do
not want
this.

but this
time
i do
not cry
silenty
in the
darkness
of your
bedroom.

this time
i allow
myself
to become
numb.

nothing
but stale
breath
and dead
nerve
endings.

the space
between my
legs, becoming
incresingly
foreign to
me, becoming
more and more
void of
sensation
more and more
void of
arousal.

vision,
blurring.
pulse,
slowing.


it feels
as though
i have wilted
and withered
away.

i am not
here
anymore.

my mind is
standing barefoot
on the shoreline
of the northern
atlantic ocean.

the tide is
kissing my feet
before scurrying
away, only to
come back and
kiss my feet
again.

i look
for seashells
and colorful
stones.

i don’t need
my voice or
my body, here.

i only need the
sounds of
waves
crashing and
birds calling
to one
another,
all so vividly-
all so
beautifully
and intricately
designed,
all of my own
creation.

tomorrow morning
i will wake up
with wounds in my
chest the size
of my silence,
but for tonight
i am closing
my eyes
to it all.

for tonight,
i am becoming
the sea.
Aug 2017 · 573
untitled vi
lionness Aug 2017
i forged this
identity through
tear soaked
pillowcases and
blood stained
mattresses,
through
days when god
never showed
herself.
i found myself
in places where
love and heartbreak
walk hand in hand.

this one face
is all
i have.

it is inadequate
to you.

you and your
many faces, all
so polished, all
so believeable.

you line them up
on your dresser
at night, beside
meaningless
objects that
bring you
comfort.

you think i am
the weak one.

you accepted
whatever identity
was handed to you.

you are forceless-
a marionette doll,
they will all
pull the strings
and watch you
dance.

you are
lifeless.

you
laid down
and you
died.
Aug 2017 · 280
to mom
lionness Aug 2017
you,
mother,
the one who
removed me
forcedly
from my
body, my
only home

you,
mother,
the one who kept
me in your pocket,
too small to
scream, too
small to
remember clearly

you,
mother,
the one who
stole my
voice away,
held it in your
clammy palms,
kept it as a
keepsake memory
of your
little girl,
next to good
report cards and
photo albums.

is this
what you thought
love was?

passing down
scar tissue
as if it were
a treasured
family
heirloom?

creating childhood
with your left hand,
to steal it away
with your right?

you,
mother,
the wound
that birthed
every wound
thereafter,
i will leave you
with this,
only this.

i survived
you

i survived all
that you created
and destroyed.

i can now
survive
anything.
Aug 2017 · 281
untitled v
lionness Aug 2017
my feet,
tired from
running away.

my *******, my hips
tired from bouncing,
tired from creating the
intimate friction needed
to sustain their worth.

my hands,
tired from weaving
broken scenes into
a tragic identity,
tired from holding up the sky.

my heart,
tired from seeking love
in neighborhoods where
darkness lives
Aug 2017 · 232
for you
lionness Aug 2017
the dust begins
to settle

the blues fade in
to blacks

the moon casts
her dreamy eyes
far away
from here.

i pull my wounds out
from the inside,
one by one.

i fold them into
paper birds.

i leave them at your
doorstep-
just something
to remember me
by
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