I keep having them
in which you appear,
more vindictive
more spiteful
than before.
It somehow feels
stale
you can sense the distance
but you desire to shove that in my face
keep trying to show me
how you can hurt me
as if that proves something

But all it does is show
how strongly you hold tight
to your anger
and it bores me.

Even though you probably saved my life
and at the time were chilled fresh air
when I was suffocating
too much time has passed but I learned
that even he was better than you.

That finally tells me more about myself
which is something I've been looking for
for so long.