i'm trying to be positive,
but this week has ******* ******,
and it's brought out,
the worst parts of me,
that aren't temporary feelings,
due to hormones,
but instead hidden ideas,
that i'm strong enough to keep from you.

and so i'm scared to talk to you about these issues,
and so i'm being indirect,
and so i'm scared of myself,
and so i'm scared of my capabilities,
and so i'm scared of my knives,
and so i'm scared of my razors,
and so i'm scared of my thoughts,
and so i'm scared of killing myself.