wipe the lipstick off with the back of my hand
wipe the mascara black drenched tears from my cheeks

I get scared
           driving in my car
because I still want to run red lights
and I am terrified of how life
is so unrelenting. It just
******* continues. You are gone.
You are gone but the world moves on
and I just want to break down
and crumble because these hallways
still play Chicago
and my mom just
keeps on gardening
     Elise keeps on painting.

And I live life
        day to day
              getting my hopes up every time the ******* phone rings.