i used to be the girl who didn't eat, the girl with the voice in the back of her mind tell her awful things about herself i was the girl who didn't want anyone elses help refused it the way my friends looked at me made me proud proud to know i knew something they didn't proud to know i was hiding something often they'd ask "are you hungry?" "why aren't you eating?" "you're not turning anorexic are you?" and even coming from your friends those words can hurt and you can shake it off smirk it off walk away but knowing a little of that was a bit of truth made me all clear to you they knew they said "i'm only trying to help" yeah trying to help me get fat i thought those demons in my mind the way i looked at myself in the mirror all i saw HATE my legs to huge hated them my stomach brings me back to that summer day i was ready ready to swim and was finally feeling confident had just bought a new bikini and was so excited put my new bikini on and my cousin comes in and says "you're stomach is disgusting' do you know how that feels to have someone say you're stomach is disgusting made me feel ****** made me feel insecure as insecure as id ever been i covered up from there on i stayed in i made sure no one saw me i kept cover and until this day i'm still that girl with the thoughts that haunt me and tell me "no one hates you more than you hate yourself" "you're stomach is disgusting" "you're fat, worthless, useless" and until this day i struggle with the reality of ever living up to MY reality of looking in the mirror and seeing what i want to see and dreading the fact that ill never be the girl with the pretty smile, so skinny and perky personality and even those girls have so much (on the inside) you don't see
a little story about my past, opening up a little i'll admit, i wish i could still be the girl i used to be, happy, but i know ill never fully get back to that place, makes me strive harder to get to that place, but the more i strive its like taking a step forward and fifty steps back