You never realize you miss someone until you lose them.
I always feel like I am forgetting something or someone.
My heart starts aching as if a part of me is missing from me.
It's like I want to go through my good memories but it's the what if I end up breaching to the bad memories and mentally meltdown that gets me. Staring into space and daydreaming isn't praised by society.
I want to mentally reflect without psychologically relapsing. But my meds regulate my mood swings and depression. So naturally I can't be sad or depressed without feeling sick to my stomach and feeling like I can't breathe because my meds wouldn't allow me to feel that.
Sometimes I want to cry and scream in grief but I physically can't.
It's as though I can't be fully human. So naturally I get furious for not being able to be sad and depressed. It is the worst feeling hopelessly distant.