I've always been nervous not loud enough to say how I really feel about this or that. OCD about strange things like sugar packets and cups on the table and gradients of tea. I could stand up for other people but never for me. Always been quiet about the things that matter and the things tattooed on my heart like that bird on your arm. The things that speak to me in the middle of the night like knocks on a door, Knock, Knock. Wake up at three am because God is yelling at me, but I can't tell any of YOU that because of the bitterness locked in your chest and there's bitterness locked in mine. For all this anxiety that I feel up in front of this crowd, You all make me want to not say things out loud Because as much as any one of you say you accept all things you have never once accepted me. And I'm slapping pavement with bare hands in the middle of the night, red callouses from holding on too tight, begging for a way in when I'm only ever gonna be left out because you've water-hosed me from your bathroom tile like old chunks of grout. I've always been too nervous to say how I really feel, because my God scares people away.
So here I am too afraid to look off this piece of paper because my voice has never been above a whisper, and I'm too afraid to see any of you up close and personal, a shake that no public speaking class could ever fix, because these tremors are more like heart quakes, and all your demons are hitting my st-stutter buttons, who ever said you weren't terrifying was a freaking liar