Jul 2021
Last Night, my PTSD acted up kept giving me flashbacks putting into agony across my body from grief to paralyzing pain throughout all of my muscles.
Last Night, I couldn't breathe and had tremors. I kept rolling in my bed in pain and overstimulated from the flashbacks. By the time I could breathe I still couldn't get out of my bed without falling back into my bed.
Last Night, the fireworks brought back memories of last summer and my fear of being alone in the dark from when I was a kid. I talked nonsense into the darkness but I couldn't sleep. I was staring into the darkness and my pulse was still pounding in my chest at double time.
Last Night, It took splashing cold water on my face to throw up my dinner into the sink feeling my throat burning and all my weight going straight to my legs. Everyone was asleep because it was the 3rd of July and midnight. Me being sensitive to light and sound I never liked going to big social events to see fireworks and I loathed parades because the sirens hurts my ears but I always enjoyed the marching band. I always hated pageants because I knew deep down even as a kid that wasn't real beauty no matter how rich the kids were riding on the back of fancy cars. Pageants in the Midwest is what you expect drama, pettiness, vicious girls dressing up for a status quote show. The tiaras were plastic and fake much like the shows. The trophies metal and cold like the girls who were fighting for them. I was always bored at the interludes for the pageants. It's like no I may be beautiful but I won't put myself in a bikini so judges can degrade me on my thin, muscular figure.
Last Night, I couldn't breathe and had tremors. I kept rolling in my bed in pain and overstimulated from the flashbacks. By the time I could breathe I still couldn't get out of my bed without falling back into my bed.
Last Night, the fireworks brought back memories of last summer and my fear of being alone in the dark from when I was a kid. I talked nonsense into the darkness but I couldn't sleep. I was staring into the darkness and my pulse was still pounding in my chest at double time.
Last Night, It took splashing cold water on my face to throw up my dinner into the sink feeling my throat burning and all my weight going straight to my legs. Everyone was asleep because it was the 3rd of July and midnight. Me being sensitive to light and sound I never liked going to big social events to see fireworks and I loathed parades because the sirens hurts my ears but I always enjoyed the marching band. I always hated pageants because I knew deep down even as a kid that wasn't real beauty no matter how rich the kids were riding on the back of fancy cars. Pageants in the Midwest is what you expect drama, pettiness, vicious girls dressing up for a status quote show. The tiaras were plastic and fake much like the shows. The trophies metal and cold like the girls who were fighting for them. I was always bored at the interludes for the pageants. It's like no I may be beautiful but I won't put myself in a bikini so judges can degrade me on my thin, muscular figure.
