My best friend offered to **** himself, if only it would make me happy.
And of course I shook my head so quickly it almost flew right off my neck.

My best friend told me he was unhappy
and that he'd make sure his brains decorated his new apartment walls

and I cried my sorrowful tears

wept into my knees

My best friend offered to **** himself
if it would make me happy
but what he really meant to tell me was
that it would make him happy.