perhaps i was looking for the over-man:
a man that could be a way to overcome man:
per se...
forever the riddle...
impossible feat... esp. when nihilism was
stressed as something to overpower...
i don't have a problem with nihilism...
i can make a visit to the brothel on moral
grounds...
well... between the 3Ps...
priests, psychiatrists and prostitutes...
with the latter i can stretch an hour's worth
into... a dry period of... years...
i'm not bothered about nihilism...
something "new" came up...
                     fatalism... fatalism:
i will be married to death... however i like it...
my "concern" began with:
the limited number of living souls...
moving in between a zombie horde of flesh...
now... a lamb madras makes sense...
a chicken korma makes sense...
the Hindus have yet to attract me with their
reincarnation... monstrosity...
parasite souls looking for dead-end
zombie cull of hosts...
perhaps i had enough of body to compete
at something worthy of exercising my body
to its full potential...
i tried exercising my mind by studying
chemistry... that didn't go so well:
when i hit the rock bottom in the branch
of physical chemistry...
if you... took me to an only organic chemistry
corner...
some people still believe i could have
been a decent police office... a detective even...
because of my photographic memory...
me... and the police?
oh... i'd just love to... fill in the shoes
of Sherlock Holmes...
but now...
               right here: now... jetzt! hier!
me and my mediocre... counter paragraph
bundles of: anti-lyricism...
                  why the letztemennsch?
the "last man"?
                a common saying among people
who have yet to or have
suffered a minor injustice:
the usual excuse is: and it can be heard
publically: but it's the 21st century!
no one... expected the misgivings of the past
centuries to be... persistent in this one?
well... so much for looking back
for nostalgia...
so much for looking forward...
oh sure... i look forward: i'm only certain
of one obligation: that i am to wed death...
or if not death: meet her plough of giving birth
to absences: of shadow banquet to be eaten:
eaten later regurgitated...
i'll drink a bottle of Argentinian red in
the form of a kalimotxo...
and it'll feed me: feelings of being in the ownership
of a spine... and two legs to stand on...
enough for lulu- the lullaby before
i plunge into the abyss of dreamlessness...
when... in the vicinity: people are woken
by my agonies in my deepest of the deep of sleep...
a bit like bemoaning the fate of
Germany... when... the people are so well
entertained by the football team...
it's almost impossible...
to pity a resurrected Germany...
it's easy to brush aside a resurrected Russia:
somehow... pit them against the evil genius
that... they probably are...
would do the "job" at half the price:
simply for the exaltation of self in
the undertaking of... said "job"...
everything in the west becomes... overpriced...
brain-drained...
but of course... a celebration of an Afghan refugee's
success story... you only later learn that...
he only became a... radiologist...
i am: die... der... i never know which
definite article the german would use...
letztemench...
but at the same time... i'm not somehow last...
idle talk of alpha males and beta-orbiters
taught me something...
i don't want to be either...
however much i don't like his cannibalistic
metaphors i'll agree:
if he can be the alpha & the omega...
well... i'll be last...
i'll watch the dolphins... pretend to watch
dolphins... i'll most certainly watch the crab-bucket...
a mound of ants...
i once watched how a dobberman of mine
bit into a ****... a **** that was filled
with crawling parasitic worms...
i smacked the dog in the snout before he
had a chance to swallow what he chewed off...
yes... i hit my dog: right on the snout...
but then as any eager child...
i inquired into this...
**** filled with wriggling worms...
i was... sickened with a fascination...
like now, i am...
concerning: not concerning...
the idea of reincarnation...
         limited number of living souls...
while all this harvest of zombie flesh....
i am the last man because:
i find no inspiration in the eastern thought...
i find nothing worth of clue
to succumb to given...
Buddhism or Zen or Tao...
or Hinduism...
although...
         there's a big although...
                 King Sejong is no myth...
around the year 1443... he invented: "invented"
the Korean script... he's no myth...
enough time passes and the credentials of a story
become... foggy... did Romulus reinvented Greek
into Greek?
concerning the scales of temporal concerns
within what's written and in what guise:
history takes into account year, decades... centuries...
journalism... takes into account days...
hours... at best weeks...
poetry? takes into account...
what best can survive: the longest...
a day here: a day there...
the terrible truth of not lying...
then again:
             the terrible lie is that of telling the truth...
a thing so mundane so obvious...
i am the last-man... but i'm not the last-man...
i'm the last to see how well the understudy point
of overcoming-man has come
to fruition...
but unlike a focus on man having to struggle
with nihilism: with the condemnation of existence...
fatalism... the "argument" follows:
well... i'm here (already): might as well get
something "done": since what i'd like to "be"
will never become truly available...
nor if it was: this writing wouldn't be either...
given the position of having achieved
such a lot that: writing this would be...
laughable... but since i'm writing this little scribble
over 'ere... well...
an hour's worth in a brothel with
a *******... can extend into years of not
wanting more of the corporeal feeding glut &
suckling mouth...
no more than... 10 hours with a priest
or... 1 hour per week with a psychiatrist might solve:
if i just talk: but never touch the tender parts
of the: being spoken to... ember of body,
eyes, tongue...
this is all mediocre:
one thing that self-deprecating humour
was taught me is that: the best is the waiting...
which is... something of a surprise...
but better to undermine yourself: your esteem...
than... create a falsehood associated with it...
while i condone self-help gurus
and all that jungle of motivational speak...
listening to too much of it: no wonder i too have
succumbed to some of the honey-trickle
pomegranate juice squirting!
- the same reservations my mother had
after the aftermath of the Chernobyl "incident":
where i was left as the forced... only child...
have managed to translate themselves
into me questioning whether to have children
at all...
i'm still looking for a zenith of my libido
expression... 16+ years since...
wait... 18... 2 _ 10 + 5... 17 years since first
encountering my thirst chance
at a leech of a **** at that oyster cushioning
of... the one and only: uncircumcised phallus...
from a muddle of red wine mixed with
coca-cola to a sip to another sip
of... clarifying water...
god: the epitome of mediocre on my behalf!

charlie big potato says: no go
to ***** envy... match-up on beard envy...
then we're properly: proper: go-go...
but no yo-yo...
if **** and **** where all the rave
concerning similar scrutiny of a "forseeable
futures"...
then i'd be reading a newspaper: from
tomorrow...

alpha... malaise: too much responsibility...
added the fact that...
once you're richer: the ******* cost stacks
up higher...
it's no longer paying for an hour's worth
that can stretch for years..
it's... paying for student debt...
sugar-daddy-oh sighs...
beta-orbiters don't, pay,
for... ***... such pristine attitudes...
and... "honour":
honour implies having...
            being expected to do... or be...
i don't have honour because
i don't have... a reputation...
honour = reputation...

i'm a freefall:       ロニン
                               ろにん...

past the ideas to match-up to be borrowing
a crutch of an idea to stand on:
just give me the ways these people encoded...
how: there's an F to resound
within the confines of
surd-H... theta through to pi & phi...
      F... stands... menacingly... runic...

i can steal a kiss from a *******:
i can stretch an hour's worth with one:
to allow the fingers the fingers to speak...
the hands to touch...
to hell with speaking:
some... variation concerning the depth
of the original plight of animation...
to hell with Darwinism being: nothing
more than a conversational vogue:
hell... away with the Copernican revision:
if i need to read a map...
if i need to get from point A to point B...
the globe of earth travelling
in... the squashed encircling...

a "flat earth" will get me from point A to point B...
to hell with all that fudge, smoke and mirrors
of imagining myself:
the subjective-eyed presence of feet
on the moon... i will not be this... myth...
nor will you...
but i heard that some people
have had trouble when being guided-misguided
by their... satellite-guiding pin-pointers...

this day's worth didn't owe me as much
that became so little to rush forward and nonetheless
write...
that it came, nonetheless...
will forever be a welcome surprise...
this mediocre day, this Sunday...
i further my life...
with... the dream of speaking through
my fingertips once more...
for an hour's worth that might stretch me...
camel-******... satiated...
into half a decade's worth of...
fucklessness.