You fumble with the cigarette
It is carelessly balanced between your index and *******
Like how you see in the movies
You hesitantly tapped it on the corner of the ashtray

You forced a confident smile
Coughed uncontrollably
Claimed it was a flu
But knew it was not

You poured too much ***** into your glass
And you gulped it bottoms up
You suppressed a look of disgust
And said it was good

You asked for another glass
Even though you were tipsy
And could not stand still

The white smoke
and false strawberry scent filled the room
You saw the bubbles
and the burning charcoal
We were blowing rings
and imitating dragons
You asked for a go
We couldn't say no
You swallowed the gas whole
You choked
you gagged
But said it felt good
And tasted strawberries

You couldn't wait for your turn again
Even though you couldn't breathe
without clearing your throat

You weren't enjoying yourself
But I guess everyone already knew

But beneath the bloodshot eyes
Frequent retching
Croaking throat
I saw a boy
that just wanted to belong

k.m.