I wanted to believe.
Thinking that everything that I doubted was for the sake of my useless, worrying mind-
Even though I had a feeling-
That those beautiful days would end-
Decorated with the soft sprinkles of everlasting snow-
Topped with a little light happiness,
I thought and wished that those days would go on forever.
I wanted to think that you were being truthful,
To have no doubt for you-
Even though I had a feeling that you were going to leave me.
Flying into the dark abyss, eyes closed just like a fool’s
The soft sound of sighs pass me
And I can do nothing but try to touch them
The bitterness of coffee is too cruel
For my taste buds,
And I always have to add spoonfuls of sugar, upon sugar,
While you look on, laughing.
Those broken shards of glass falling
I am ashamed to say that too scared for myself,
I didn’t pick them up,
Didn’t rebuild them into what it was rewinded
Running together, the earbuds in my ear kept falling off until you
Told me that it would be easier
To get headphones instead.
Going to store together,
And shopping
Those times were meant to go on forever, really.
That time in winter
Where we lay together in front of the fireplace
Silent, together
I remember thinking-
If this is all, it’s enough.
When you, with nothing but a sad look
Fell off the cliff of sanity
I could do nothing but cry.
Cry useless tears
To bring back the past that would never come back.
Why am I so alone?
How did I not know?
The screams that those silent eyes held-the little spark of pleading and worry in those conflicted pupils-
How did I, so good at reading people, not read you?
It is as if the radio station changed,
Into a different FM, not available in this country.
Why can’t I tune in?
Why are your screams silent?
Is the mute button on?
If so, where is the volume control?