I'm scared that one day,
everything I've been through;
all of the bad things I've done,
all the trauma
And shock
I've set aside,
will feast
their revenge on me
once i'm weak and vulnerable.

I'm scared of going insane
from all that I've been through.
I'm afraid of idle moments
at night when I'm alone
with my thoughts
because that's when all of the bad things I did,
play back over and over
behind my eyes uncontrollably.  

Right now I still manage
to hold my walls in tact
from the past's force of entry.
But I know
this enemy I've created  
is strong;
possibly stronger than me.

And every night
I close my eyes
in fear;
for I feel
my walls
slowly slithering cracks
whilst the memories
grow stronger
And i, weaker.

I'm afraid of crumbling
and letting my past eat
my sanity.
I know it will come soon
if I don't do anything about it.

But that's precisely it
... I don't know what to do about it.