What do you do when you love someone toxic?

Every time I speak with him,
He poisons a little more of my soul.
One step forward, two reeling stumbles back.
I shouldn't love him.
I shouldn't give him a second of my time
Or even a second thought.
I shouldn't even speak to him.
But he calls and I answer.

Maybe today is the day
He will tell me how sorry he is;
How wrong he has been.
He tells me how sorry he is,
Just not in the way I wish.
Thirty seconds, that is all I gave him.
In thirty seconds he has reduced me
To his *****, his obsession, his hole.

My head and my heart scream to hang up.
I do and I go about my day pretending that I'm fine.
In reality, I reek of shame and self-loathing.
I am toxic and I fear the fumes
Will reveal who he has wished me to be.

I hate him.
I hate what he did.
I hate what he does.
Yet, despite my hatred I am addicted to hope.
Just one last time, one last chance.
I will answer one last time.
But deep inside I know what I have always known:
he is never going to change.
He is sick.
He is toxic.

He does not love me.
He loves to control me.
He doesn't even love the idea of me.
I have never even been "me" with him, only an object.
From his mouth he spews words and phrases
That should never be uttered aloud.
Or to your own daughter.