I am not Shawn
I have ceased to be
And I am instead
What you see now
When you see me

I am not Shawn
I am audacity
To speak my mind
To speak my feelings
To speak my truth
Yet ****** by all three

I am not Shawn
I am lunacy
My thoughts and logic 
Played down or dismissed
In lieu of the only truth
Allowed to support another's reality

I am not Shawn
I am infidelity
Years ago guilty of this crime
But living today 
Like yesterday is the present
And I need reminders of my culpability

I am not Shawn
I am cruelty
A now tolerated trespasser to peace in a home
Built on hurt pride and offences
Enumerated and idolized meticulously

I am not Shawn
I am the vocabulary 
Of confused words and miscommunication
When it's sweet, my disposition is one of intelligence
But while in conflict, only ignorant inadequacy

I am not Shawn
I am expectancy
Placed uncomfortably into my imploring posture
As I seek morsels of golden attention
Choosing my words ever so carefully

I am not Shawn
I am a mockery
Whose tears have a faucet
And whose humility is reserved for moments
Of game play and emotional treachery

I am not Shawn 
I am mystery
The suggestion is I'm hiding 
That which 'oneness' should know and see
When in fact it's the fault of judgement 
Hidden inside another's feigned transparency

I am not Shawn
I am fragility
Painted weak, old and forgetful
Glances at my softening frame
Constant jokes of reverie

I am not Shawn
I am improbability
No consistent growth measured 
In areas of another's  choosing
Left alone to get it together emotionally and spiritually
Eventually…maybe?

I am not Shawn
I am hypocrisy
For blameless one may live
If the same offense may be found 
In the one claiming initial offense
The mirror not inward facing, only outwardly

I am not Shawn
I am an apology
For all the many actions and faulty statements
Which so quickly offend the same one
Less prone to act just as responsibly

I am not Shawn
I am an enemy
Pushed away and constantly distanced
An outsider forced to partner
In this abandonment dance and fantasy

I am not Shawn
I am make-believe
Merely an actress given a script
Fashioned of lines that another prepares
For me

For I am not Shawn
I have ceased to be
You have given me a new name…

history.