i found it
i found it in the reflection of the cigarette ashes floating
in a pool of wine that laid next to me

i found it at the end of my chewed up nails with chipped varnish
and dirt within them

i found it amongst the blacked out  T.V.

i found it beneath my rotten teeth and decaying gums

i found it hidden between the legs of another

i found it underneath a dust ridden bed holding dead rodents as hostages

i found it amongst other things
but i couldn’t find it beating in my chest, grabbing a breath from the next one, like picking off a fruit from a vineyard, almost religiously

i couldn’t find it behind my dirt ridden eyes, forever washing away with each droplets of tears

i couldn’t find carved on my rib or engrained on my skull that has a build up of discarded flesh and muscle

i found it before...
so what’s to stop me from finding it now?...