i've sort of quit smoking... but as you: or don't... watching the eurovision song contest results come in while drinking some southern comfort admiring the moon while the clothes drier was wheezing it's last r.p.m.
i thought: well... at least a session with in a dentistry chair can become more pleasurable... i saw more cringe than fringes... when culture dies there's that... added shock of: i wouldn't call it an itch... it's not a case of goose-bumps... it's a sickly sweet sensation... it's "something" that makes you want to *****, trouble is: you did some 50+ stomach crunches and have eaten bad blueberry ravioli...
so... there's not much in the tank to... so you're basically forcing up bile... but i cycled into central London today... i passed Soho plenty of times... i never bothered to venture in... i was looking for a look of reciprocation... from a gay-lord... otherwise i was there eyeing up some *******...
because: obviously i wasn't scouting for comic books... comic characters... perhaps... capes? not so much... a ******* ****-storm of.... marching for Palestine... congregated at Hyde Park... i did my usual round around that bloated space of green... on my way back into Essex i had to cut through the swelling of the vein of bodies...
i was almost tempted... i wish i would have been... it would be silly to shout obscenities... although i did manage to build up this toothache on my way back... like i was given this evil-eye for being: the usual suspect...
how much did i want to laugh while passing this protest with the words: gott! mit! uns! looking for an itch... looking for some manna... like the protest of homeless men on oxford street among all the shoppers, atheists... materialists... i was almost... enraged by a seed of jealousy... of not being... part of something... wouldn't you? i almost wished to don a kippah or the star of david cycling into this throng... this river of people... gott! mit uns!
łamany łbem: broken with a head.... divided by a head... and When i think about it... i don't... i think about not thinking... designated orientation concering a "lost narrative" of res vanus...
głowa (gwova)... doubled down dutch privy to Welsh... with a head... z głową... which implies a neck... shoulders... a balancing act worth of spine...
łeb: for the animal... pysk: the snout... canines... łbem: stressing the point of forehead... hammer... with a head, hardly absent...
yesterday:
a minor amnesia - nonetheless it happens, there's another word for it... skleroza: spontaneous forgetfulness... this fickle creature that's memory... thankfully i have a stash of about 5 major memories that i like to revisit... play them over and over in my head... since... i'm not on the crux of death... well... since i'm not... i have become more prone to exercise the freedom of memory than i might want to watch a movie... trouble comes when i'm not my own d.j., in a car... heading toward... ******* IKEA... in Enfield... where the phlegmatic crew of dodo are this close | | to learning the arithmetic of time... a song on the radio... Belinda Carlisle... circle in the sand... in between talking with my father... nothing metaphorical about that... - so you know how old bob marley was when he died? 36... - you think he would still be touring? well... he wouldn't need the money... **** jagger does it for the joy...
i can't write narratives... it's not like we're estranged... but... it's complicated... i think this is one area of my life i will keep off-limits when writing... i can be as honest about ****** as i can be about horses... the narrative never took place... believe me... we talked about a range of things... morgage
then when we came home an hour later than expected... she (dearest mother) was probably drinking alone... throwing little tantrums of me and father alone time... well... not to mention he was absent from the most crucial years of my life... from 4 till 8... how does the ugly side of immigration look like? brain-drain... we: the diaspora members... away from the motherland... for the "better life"... i too am playing catch-up... how did ol' Leo frame it? every happy family is the same... but every sad family is sad uniquely: in it's own unique way...
get Wittgenstein to sort this tautology... i'm not going to bother... come to think of it... it's not even a tautology... a tautology would be more focused on thesaurus rex...
we had a conversation about football and music... re-mortgaging... even Bowie remained true to music... he probably didn't tour... but still made new content... singing about mortality and ****... i think i'm having this playback moment in my head...
but then this song came on the radio... magic fm... belinda carlisle... circle in the sand... all of a sudden i had this urge to listen to a song, that song reminded me off... oh hell... exactly: what was it? the search began with: 'the message'... mc-****-fartery... round and round... jokes aside... i had to listen to belinda's song on earphones once more before the "revelation"...
it seems obvious... "now"...
nik ******* kershaw - the riddle...
exactly... how did i get "the message" wrong? two strong arms... blessings of Babylon... blah blah: toe-tying-riddle... almost like good luck is expected...
come to "think" of it... a revelation... even though there's that monotheistic focus on the patriarch... puppet... strings... missing *******... i'm having a hard time not thinking that ha-shem... the nameless father of hey-zeus and the ha-ha-mighty blah-lah-al are not... primarily... feminine gods... well... conjured up from a **** rather than a working 'ed...
they're irrational... and can be reduced down to... the three heads of Cerberus... they are never really depicted... worded sleuth pulp fiction harlequin traps... most artists? oh **** me... even the ****'ites would agree... get your eyes to focus on something... that's how much i dare to admire Islam... from the ****'ite perspective...
what ******* topic is this? i was about to pour myself another drink and this thought like a blitzkrieg came flushed from a ******* in the universe where all the gods and nothings congregate from indigestion and constipation... a ******* miracle: a diarrhoea moment... of sorts... the monotheistic veneer... of "patriarchy"...
what?! she wants a ring of gold and my ******* too? how about a tent's worth of a kippah on my ******* tonsure? a man would require a screwdriver... a hammer... nails... screws... it would make sense to have many involved... than this pressure of solipsism... vampire... succubus... leech... a ****** hail mary...
**** speak... so great... the technological advances... atheistic secularism... but there's a ******* grid-lock to mind too... no a ****** dam... a rich cognitive custard... it's just that: a cognitive custard... like Moses rekindling a belonging concept along the lines of being lied to:
monotheism hardly serves man... i can find appeals to the illusion it presents... but... hardly... looks like the "plenty of fish in the sea" metaphor is drying up the concept of a "catch"...
the conversation with my father are off-limits in my purpose of writing in the first place... unlike a Knausgaard... i'm the drinker... he's the teetotaller... he's the workhorse i'm the... chicken-scratcher: if i had ink... but i'm also probably ten beaks pecking resounding at this... grand... oh my god... ******* piano of QWERTY...
genius idea... what? qwerty... because the orthodox memory erosion of the alphabet is of any use? suddenly everything has to **** me off... it has to be dipped in still water... it has to be believable... monotheism is concretely a religion designated for the preservation of women... why my *******? oh... because if you don't have it... i can... ******* at a leisurely pace?
that a woman can ******* without inhibitions... while i have to be shamed? *******, *******... i don't even have enough slander to express what my heart reacts to these days... i don't have "hurt" feels... i have... agitated feelings... thank you for waking me up from my numb... apathy... but what do i hear? "hurt feels"... ****'s sake... those people don't even recognise what feeling is supposed to feel like! they're all french footballers... "hurt" all of a sudden... wow! so... "hurt" is translated into the parameters of: feeling per se? imagine my shock finding out that apathy has dulled "i.q." to so little that... you must be hurt to feel... you can't be spontaneously agitated... you must be hurt...
bring out the hot horseshoes... let's have some fun branding these *******-waggling- ***** aside...
just wait for the breeders to wake up to having children that turn into freely-arranged agents of will... i'm passing through a decade where there's boasting... but sooner rather than later... there will be some hidden mention of those... pickled-cabbage: why do the 'indus find pickled cabbage "funny"? not eating beef sounds pretty funny... or like that "proverb" from Morocco: there's no water, in the desert... then... what... the... ****... are... you... "doing" in this, here... land of replenished roots?!
******* camel jockeys... what do "they" call them, proper? sand-*******... it would take a Bengladesi to get smart notes on the caste "system".... Aryan has no origin in Europe... it probably originated in Indian when they first came across Persians... who are... oddly... "pale"... but have not bartablondine aspects of their ****** expressions...
ivory skinned like an Iranian or a ***- without a suntan? "you" wanted trenches... here's my designated plot... "you" wanted ******* to overshadow real.. culprit-esque concerns... the jealousy of a woman knows not bounds... most especially when a father-son privacy is engaged with...
if i ever encountered male jealousy... it was always rare... almost never... but female jealousy? anything... everything to belittle the opposing "authority"... ha-shem... the jealous deity of women... blah-lah-al of...kept secrets stashed in the niqab... allure of the ******* eyes... come on...
****** ******* mary: that matriarch of sold foetuses and walking abortions... at least there was something adventerous in conceiving the existence of Loki... of Thor... there's nothing... original about the point of monotheistic gods... that there are three... is Islam the truest of religions?! they had a Sunni ****'ite schism... didn't they? once again: i want to believe in something: to give me momentum... give be a willing acceptance to excuse... an overarching stressor of incredulity... and a... "what life"?
well... existence is... out of every instance: a persistence to: instance... a persistence... that's... existence... ex- out of... and stance... dis-ease... a negation of ease...
there will be plenty more of those car journey listening to magic fm...
an "original": whether mind, or thinker... that mythology of evil that the Nazis provided... ******* Armani suits and boots... or whoever designed them... Hugo Boss... what are we left with, to mind matters of collectivism? the evil of censorship instigated by... halfwits and ******* haemophiliacs?
a myth of evil that could be... galvanised... momentum and emblem... what's on offer... currently? grey-suits and... expectations: that it's the "21st century" something magical is about to happen... what's the difference between the 20th century and the 18th century? the 19th century... so what's the difference between a pebble, a cliff edge and a mountain? don't know... a river? a lake?
that same **** different cover excuse like some wonderful was going to happen in the 21st century... like there was a promise... where is this **** coming from?! oh yeah... but it's the 21st century... i was hoping for gravity to ******* and turn all: short-circuit awry...
i can pretend... for a while... but after that while passes... i turn into a real mystery of a door **** gone berserker... are there these societal expectations to simply **** **** the next... blow the next... ******* origami of OXFAM purple-fest whimpering "dead-doughnut": although i'd cry... if it was a stray dog from the streets of Seville... ******* camel-jockeys...
it's not even a inhibited play on pronouns: there's no: "they"... i thought the trans-lobbyist covered the plug-hole of cognitive-****... there is not "us" or "them": gender neutral is me... armed with a strap-on ***** on my ******* forehead... a bit like... that hebrew practice of...
so i had me a "friend: a fwend... maybe that's cornish for something in velsh... you know how word salad sounds? on a persistence? sure... a son of divorce... what am i? his ******* uncle? his mother undermined the concept of al dente spaghetti... we're talking fractions of people...
people eat ****... leave the universal utility of pork aside... mind you: not water in the desert... and not piggy too... the leather shoe... the belt... it's not exactly kosher... is it? i have this backlog of a peoples... at least a priest only attracts confessions... i'm not at knife point easy... for this triad to work?
if my fwend mentioned cognitive custard... but the concensus of word salad is socially broke on the norm... so blah blah boo'yah assortment... enriched strawberries... juicing much later... i can understand cognitive custard... pie... but a word salad? that's.... what doesn't deviate from solipsism... this solo "project" of "you and i"...
psychiatry is persisting to be deemed a branch of the Hippocratic oath.... but it's not...it's pseudo-"medicinal"... it's hyped-up... idon't remember that junction in a life... hardly worth lived... just lived... of my 20s... what mea culpa stressor of those psychopaths? currents under the broken wheel of... attempts at supressing.. momentum? this whole ******* "flake" of barrage?
by word salad you're implying i have, speak... low i.q.... non-hieroglyphic suede... non-answerable... past replica... woe wow salad... but how i understand it... a cognitive custard... well... thinking is messy: you ******* dim-wits! ought-i: thought... i don't like being ridiculed... or expected to her a less i.q. than what's... nuanced at a ****** favouritism... Balkan-esque... seriously... *******: before i ****** someone... ugh attached to that: wind... now there's a purpose...
yeah... so what's what? this is the least of my "concern"? well... as they say in the west... as long as the brain-drain happens... we can forget about keeping the native 9 to 5ams... sort of... but hardly... justifiably... less than expectedly... capitalistically boast: not exhausted... sort of...
i can understand cognitive custard... meddle some more... word salad? your ******* ****- nig- of sorts is speaking your language better than me? ******* sour crass of a native's ***! *******... and you deserve it.