May 2021
For the longest time, I have felt this constant need to ensure that I had control of every situation. As much as possible, i try to account for every detail...my mind flits over the tiniest possibilities to ensure that whenever I take a particular step, I am aware of every possible outcome.
As you can imagine....any preconceived plan or idea usually falls apart when other uncontrollable elements come into play...the biggest of which are Human beings. I sought to make of myself an immovable rock in the dizzying tides of time, change by dint of human effort alone.
......It did not pan out well.
And as a rock in the bed of a river is slowly weathered by the rushing flow of water, my will, strength and focus withered with the passing of time.
Every unexpected happening threw me for a loop and I was left reeling from one moment to the next in a dizzying whirlwind of uncontrollable events.
Soon enough i stopped trying to account for everything and just allowed myself to drift listlessly from one day to the next.
But I realized that there was a better way. I could just let go. As I've heard so many times there's freedom in surrender. I realised that I was not a Rock of Gibraltar unto myself. I could not stand tall against the forces of time and change and expect to be immovable.
Maybe I could ease my tight grip on everything. Like a grass stalk sways in the wind, rather than stand tall and fight against the winds of time and change, why not lean into the wind and allow it to flow over me; why not bend and sway with the breeze like stalks of grass in the field; why not drift and dance in the wind like a leaf. With strong roots, I could bend and not break. There was anxiety, fear, discomfort.. yes. But there was also palpable relief in just letting go and surrendering your fate to forces greater than your own. You may be the Captain of your ship, but you have no control over the winds and the tides and sometimes you just have to let go and be free. And like Odysseus, though the winds will take you to places unknown and you may experience both joy and woe in unequal proportions...you will still be carried home.
Hopefully, I can find my way home faster than Odysseus did...just maybe.
As you can imagine....any preconceived plan or idea usually falls apart when other uncontrollable elements come into play...the biggest of which are Human beings. I sought to make of myself an immovable rock in the dizzying tides of time, change by dint of human effort alone.
......It did not pan out well.
And as a rock in the bed of a river is slowly weathered by the rushing flow of water, my will, strength and focus withered with the passing of time.
Every unexpected happening threw me for a loop and I was left reeling from one moment to the next in a dizzying whirlwind of uncontrollable events.
Soon enough i stopped trying to account for everything and just allowed myself to drift listlessly from one day to the next.
But I realized that there was a better way. I could just let go. As I've heard so many times there's freedom in surrender. I realised that I was not a Rock of Gibraltar unto myself. I could not stand tall against the forces of time and change and expect to be immovable.
Maybe I could ease my tight grip on everything. Like a grass stalk sways in the wind, rather than stand tall and fight against the winds of time and change, why not lean into the wind and allow it to flow over me; why not bend and sway with the breeze like stalks of grass in the field; why not drift and dance in the wind like a leaf. With strong roots, I could bend and not break. There was anxiety, fear, discomfort.. yes. But there was also palpable relief in just letting go and surrendering your fate to forces greater than your own. You may be the Captain of your ship, but you have no control over the winds and the tides and sometimes you just have to let go and be free. And like Odysseus, though the winds will take you to places unknown and you may experience both joy and woe in unequal proportions...you will still be carried home.
Hopefully, I can find my way home faster than Odysseus did...just maybe.
