i'll never let you see
what you've done to me
i'll never let you know
where i'm planning to go.
except after i'm gone
you'll all be too late
to say if i could just have wait.
wait for what?
for me to slice another cut?
then you to run, to say what i have done.
for you to feel like you have won.
won the battles between me and my life.
with you not even involved.
but there i go again.
slaying against my wrist with the knife.
and sitting there
watch as i tear
tear off the plastic.
upcap the lid.
discover whats been hid.
a capsule of blue.
multiple & brand new.
taste the bottle on my lips.
not even the razor nips
could substitute what i will soon endure.
a pain free path for sure.
but the only way to get there?
step in the puddle of blood.
there's no lack of it, it's a flood.
a flood of my own
nothing i have ever shown.
as the ultimate sacrifice, i just want to say,
maybe there would have been one day.
when someone would have finally said
"the things inside your head
are driving you insane
and it's leading you to a world of pain.
take my hand, follow my lead.
some place to where you will not need
the use or the crave for blades or pills.
because my love & caring will end your desire to ****."
but that is all a tale.
it is all in my head.
that someone will have said,
"i will save you"
and now its too late.
because i will reach for my razor as my evening date.
and later, lose my innocence deep into the dark as it is late.
my innocence taken by the one and only
multiple swallowed capsules.
as if to say one last time, "if i wasn't so lonely."
then everyone wouldn't say "why?"
and i didnt have to write 'goodbye'.