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May 2021
soap stuck in teeth and larva that won't shed
i need to stretch
crying to the moon after reading my life in the news
sins published on my skin but everyone is blind
cherry flavored opioids have become so taunting
i've watched you change
identity patched together like a kid who doesn't know themselves
that hopped on a carousel that never stops turning
fixated on the past with the present at my doorstep
he hangs over my head
as limp as the animals at seaworld, he felt relieved
aftermath was hard to calculate
mother was crying over a second pair of wedding rings
a forever absence
too much information
imported in this ****** *** brain
how am i supposed to remember the day i caught on fire
or what it felt like to be full,
without stuffed lungs and a stitched migraine?
she cried in her sleep, a mirror between us
his hands and theirs have their grip
not once, twice, or thrice
why am i so shocked every new time my advantage is taken?
did it even happen?
was it enjoyable?
they're my friends though, right?
maybe this head's down the hill
i drank to forget, but when drunk, i remember
can't get high because then i'm more vulnerable
hanging out to distract, but end up more depressed
it isn't an act, i'm actually distressed
mother doesn't know what goes on behind the curtain
maybe i do enjoy myself
is this happiness? or has sadness overtaken me too long for me to recognize the difference?
this train is full of water
but the ride is worthwhile if it led me back to before everything happened
when clammy fingers walked me down the halls
my embarrassing background lingering
shunned away with only so little to choose from
it was peaceful
now, this name fits better
this body feels different
and this mindset is comfortable
knives thrown down halls and bloodied bedsheets made me drift away from stability
walking on edges
if i misstep, would it be a loss?
nirvana is temporary, solemnness is temporary, fear - temporary, shock, envy, grief, romance, desire, triumph, death
temporary
temporary
temporary
temporary
they'll have to get over it
my feet are too deep in the grave to get out
to pass time, i flip pages of my creations
powerful and mighty, this was done on my own accord
submerging in crimson syrup
it might be my own, who knows?
anger was my first lesson
can't teach this dog old tricks
do i have a promising future when i've endured so much?
empty graduation stands
with an absence of guests on a wedding day
isolated in a hospitable city
am i in love?
or giving myself a reason to prosper?
these actions are done for someone else
they won't recognize their impact
can't even specify, 'cause i have more than one on my mind
bones are rusted, spine gone bad from holding up everyone else
the other side is welcoming
npc's will continue on
stagnant state
just buckle my seatbelt, i'm leaving home
emily
Written by
emily  20/F
(20/F)   
40
 
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