I’m self aware & mentally ill
I am overwhelmed by the emotions I’ve suppressed for so long
Being in my relationship with this amazing woman who only asks for love and to not be taken for granted has opened my eyes to everything I’ve blocked and tucked away
My counselor says that I was misdiagnosed, I do have ADHD and also Autism.
I’ve masked my innocence and my loving nature with the benefits of my first diagnosis.
I’ve learned to become a narcissist,
I’ve learned to become what I’ve always tried to protect myself from
And my relationship is suffering as the result of my defensive mode
I am now overwhelmed with the emotions that I’ve constantly called my weakness when they are my strengths as I learn to control them
I hope everyday she sees how much I’ve put into this daily fight
The hardest part of my everyday routine is waking up and feeling everything at once
The heartbreaking part is when my response to protect myself from being hurt is reacting in anger and seeing her hurting
I yelled rather than taking time to calm myself
I went silent before I communicated that I can’t process the battering ram of emotions that crush my chest
My counselor told me that I can do this,
My girlfriend says she loves me and I see that she is patient and also that she could leave because her happiness is what’s important
I can do this.
I am not a bad person.
I am not a narcissist
I am not a bad person.
I am good enough
I can win this fight
I can learn to love me again
I can be free to be happy again
I am going to be okay
I will win this battle against my mental illness
I will learn hope to cope and become a better person
I can and I will