i swerved off the desolate highway
for no reason at all
or so it seemed.
i was no more in control;
my will had no power
over the steering.
the car was now truly off the road,
which receded far
into a grey horizon
and i could feel muddy ruts
shaking me and my car
which kept rolling on.
i could see i would soon bog down
yet the car kept going
over huge squishy ruts
with me in it, silently panicking,
for i now knew.
i was never in control.

* * * * *

what do you do when you know
that you're not in control?
when you know you're spiraling
like so many fireflies
like so many planets, stars, galaxies
into a fiery fearsome maw
that swallows everything
into a nothingness
where nothing reigns
where love, hate, thought
where hard arousal, thirst, hunger,
pain, laughter, words,
lose all meaning
and become,
like my steering hands,
totally powerless?

what do you do then, my friend?

except watch senselessly
like the imbecile that you truly are,
when,
one by one,
all those people you loved
all those meanings you held,
swerve off the road
and spiral frighteningly
towards that gaping maw
of nothingness?

what do you do?