Apr 2021
What was significant wasn’t the trails, the evergreens and the leafless maple and birch, the view of surrounding hills and the patched blue and white sky.
What was significant was the terror she felt as she prepared to leave her apartment—alone. Navigating the streets and highways leaving the city; stopping a few times for errands and entering the stores—alone. Searching for, finding, and buying what she needed and exiting—alone.
It was the anxiety of getting to Lone Tree Hill, of finding it, never having been there before. Parking the car in a vacant lot across the road from the trail head then worrying that it might not be there when she returned. It was the indecision regarding which trail to take among several, and the worry that she might lose her way.
She never stopped to question that she—an adult with decades and decades of life experience—should have these fears. Instead, she held them, watched as they lumbered about the chambers of her heart, and then, one-by-one, exited—leaving her alone again.
What was significant was the terror she felt as she prepared to leave her apartment—alone. Navigating the streets and highways leaving the city; stopping a few times for errands and entering the stores—alone. Searching for, finding, and buying what she needed and exiting—alone.
It was the anxiety of getting to Lone Tree Hill, of finding it, never having been there before. Parking the car in a vacant lot across the road from the trail head then worrying that it might not be there when she returned. It was the indecision regarding which trail to take among several, and the worry that she might lose her way.
She never stopped to question that she—an adult with decades and decades of life experience—should have these fears. Instead, she held them, watched as they lumbered about the chambers of her heart, and then, one-by-one, exited—leaving her alone again.
