I was talking to a friend last night, it was idle, beery chat
Footy and his sports car and other simple things like that
We talked about computers and why his was always pish
And also, in the world today how they’re so ubiquitous

He said he was frustrated as his always let him down
She never works, he stated, with a personal pronoun
I said hold on a minute, could you please explain to me
Why use a gender pronoun? Why define as he or she?

He explained it was a woman.  It makes irrational demands
That only its creator can truly understand
It’s always talking in the background and I don’t know the code
So sometimes without warning it will randomly explode

It remembers everything I’ve done; I think that this is evil
And this gets me into trouble with its unforeseen retrieval  
And as soon as you have got one you then get a big surprise
As you have to shell out weekly keeping it accessorized

Happy with this logic I got up to buy more beer
The barmaid wasn’t happy and she made that fairly clear
I heard that conversation and your friend is talking *****
Okay I said. I’m listening.  So tell me what is right

Like a man, you want a good one, but you have to wait for years
But as soon as you’ve committed a better model then appears
They’re supposed to make things easy and minimise mayhem
But half the time the problem to be solved was caused by them

They are full of useless data and they can’t think on their own
When you get one you’re excited, that is until you get it home
They never tell how you look in your favourite little dress
And they are easy to manipulate if you know just where to press

It is good to have a backup because the main one can go wrong
And you won’t get their attention until you turn them on
And no matter what they tell themselves when they have their little chatters
Like certain other things in life its how big they are that matters