We can love people that do not love themselves
and we see the mirror
I did not love myself

If I did why would accept that sorrow
do I not know avoidable sorrow is not okay

did I feel okay with countless suffering
why, how did I absorb this behavior
was it in the way my father drank away his sorrow
was it in the tv programs that said I had to always be a good girl and be sweet even if it cost me my own well being

Where ? Was it from my mother who thought it was best to raise her kids with a man she did not love anymore because that is “stable”
they were never stable
two separate stable ones would of been better

was it them or the world
who knows
but I wept because I did not love myself
because I was not taught
the relationships around me did not show me this and so I lacked it