Why does being alive hurt so much?

Because feeling is what differentiates us, what it is to be alive
Because without the pain and the confusion and the anger we would not know the unbelievable joy and intractable Need to be with others. To see and be seen. to be chosen.

But what about those who no one sees. the ones who people glance at and assume they understand so they never look again. those ones are everywhere - the wallflowers, yes, but also the ones you assume everyone sees. i am one of them. because of how i look. something i had very little to do with. and yet it labels me in the eyes of others. i am _ so I must be _. people assume.
I am waiting for someone who doesn't. who takes time and asks questions and opens to me as well. those I shall choose to spend time with. Stop and enjoy the music in the street, there's no rush. notice the beauty. in the bark of a tree. a leaf caught in the wind dancing down the lane.

I know that I am waiting. I am aware.
But what the f*ck.
I'm doing the work, I've done so much.
I love me and I am excellent at being alone.
So where is my person?
I yearn so desperately to begin with them.
But what if I'm too good at being alone?

God's timing is not our own
And you know that when it happens
(should it happen)
you'll say, "Yes, Lord, you were right!"
Because He is God




im tired.





I know, my love. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.