When I was four
I was no longer an only child
the window-paned double doors to our home
now open to another smile
When I was four I met a baby girl
who's gonna wow the whole wide world
with the sass of her curls
and her charm and fake pearls
When I was four
I no longer had all the attention
your precious crying and laughter
deserved comprehension
When I four
I couldn't have known
how much love your squishy red cheeks
could tug out of my heart
When I was four
I didn't know how much my mental illness
would drag you down with it
When I was four
I didn't know how much I'd cry
wishing I hadn't made you feel heartbroken and alone
When I was four
I was so excited to be an older sister
I didn't know how much
I'd let you down
But when I was four
I had only a sliver of the love
that I have for you now
Almost two decades later
You have my whole heart
Happy birthday baby sister