I'm sitting here, alone in my thoughts
Drowning myself in alcohol trying to forget.
Trying to make sense of it all, why?
Busy re-learning the 3 W's from my Life Orientation teacher, mma Vaaltyn;
What?
When?
Why?
To be honest I don't think I need to know How, because it makes me hurt even more thinking about it

I can still see your smile.
You looked full of life,
You looked happy,
You looked...
I don't know, I'm running of words to explain how you looked because I realize now it was just a mask
You kept it on to let the world not bother you
Kept it on for your protection
I did always know that looks lie but I didn't know it meant this
I will lie to myself and pretend this doesn't hurt, but little sis it really does

What about your matric farewell?
I was supposed to drive you, remember?
What about your 21st birthday?
What about your college graduation?
What about the days at the park?
Days at Naval hill, playing, enjoying?
Last great day I had with you was at the park, Shell ultra.
We were having so much fun till my lil nephew ruined it by falling from the see saw.
I can still remeber your laugh
The poses you made while I was busy taking pictures
The conversations, the memories  

We'll, I'm on my 3rd bottle now,
I cannot even see clearly as I type this,
And I still cannot understand little sis,
Why?
What do I tell your dad when I see him in the afterlife?
What do I tell your mom too?
Did you miss them too much?
Is that it?
It that why you took your life?
You just couldn't wait to see them?
Or were you tired of this life you just had to go?

What do I tell your big sister?
She left you in the best hands she knew
How do I make her understand?
And what about your little brother?
How do I even begin to make him understand why?
What do I say it's the reason why?
Is it school?
Is it friends?
Is it the family?
Or is it me little sis?

Answer me! Can't you hear I'm talking to you?
Busy looking for an answer at the bottom of this Chivas bottle
Doubt I'm gonna get it
But where else would I get it?
Because you're not here to answer me little sis, are you?
You know you could've talked to me right?
Please wake up, I'm sorry.
Forgive me little sis,
Forgive me uncle,
Forgive me auntie.

I'm sorry I didn't spend enough time with you
Sorry I didn't call you enough
I should've seen the signs
The last Whatsapp post you posted last night was a friend who passed
Is it why?
You looked sad
I should've asked you if you're okay
Why didn't I ask you?
Why did I just read and ignore?
Maybe I could've talked you out of this
Maybe..
Just maybe
I'm really sorry.
Maybe it's my fault too...

I'm gonna miss you little sis
Death has no shame, has no fear

I guess we might never know why
Whatever it is that drove you to this point, I know you it was a valid reason for you

Sleep well lil sis
Say hi to uncle Kelos for me.
I love you
We love you
And truly miss you...