i am finally
truly
impossibly
entirely
exhaust-ed
i am the waste
left over
from too much
being
and everything in me
is screaming
red
let me
rest
so i lay my head
on my pillow
but it pushes me off
says
i don't know you
get off me
and it
hurts.

baby is
so sleepy
but baby cannot remember
how to sleep
even her pillow
has forgotten
how to cup her head
and comfort
her
aching
neck
pillow,
be kind
please
i am so
so
tired

...i spent too much of today missing my mother
even thought i hate
everything about her
mommy,
come help me
remember how to sleep
you used to rock me
so
gently.